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| Writer's Corner The pen is mightier than the sword. Post your writings or poetry. Also discuss your favorite authors or books. |
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01-17-2009
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#1 |
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Ruin you like this website.
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Charleston, South Carolina, United States, North America, Western Hemisphere, Earth, Sol System, Milky Way, Local Group, Virgo Supercluster
Age: 39
Posts: 11,726
Rep Power: 147       |
The Menander Device -- Old Revision
Check it.
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The first thing that came into being, void and without form, a lifeless lump, unfashioned and unframed, the Prima Materia from which all comes, influenced by forms and given structure by matter it becomes all that is, with increase in entropy it is into which all shall fall, endlessly and in all directions, a self-reflexive paradox. -=-=-=- "Self-education is, I firmly believe, the only kind of education there is." -Isaac Asimov |
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01-18-2009
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#2 |
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goliath
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Richmond, VA
Age: 33
Posts: 3,496
Rep Power: 71 |
Re: The Menander Device -- Old Revision
The beginning was really nicely written, but there was no climax, and the solution to the conflict was way too damn simple. I hope this is like a rough draft, and you wanted to give some semblance of a conclusion.. Besides the last page or so, I enjoyed it. Grow that shit, man.. add some more depth.
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"I've defected." -The Mars Volta "I consider the positions of kings and rulers as that of dust motes. I observe treasures of gold and gems as so many bricks and pebbles. I look upon the finest silken robes as tattered rags. I see myriad worlds of the universe as small seeds of fruit, and the greatest lake in India as a drop of oil on my foot. I perceive the teachings of the world to be the illusion of magicians. I discern the highest conception of emancipation as a golden brocade in a dream, and view the holy path of the illuminated ones as flowers appearing in one's eyes. I see meditation as a pillar of a mountain, Nirvana as a nightmare of daytime. I look upon the judgment of right and wrong as the serpentine dance of a dragon, and the rise and fall of beliefs as but traces left by the four seasons." -Siddhartha Gautama |
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