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Old 09-23-2007   #1
EmperorChaos
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Untitled Sleep-Deprived Speed-Assisted Shite.

Yeah, I wrote this on a lot of uppers one day on my friend's computer. I just had him send it to me the other day.

"I am not a black King like Martin Luther, nor am I a white Queen like Elizabeth I, innocent and noble as she was portrayed; and I am not a black Bishop like Desmond Tutu, nor am I a white Knight like the Lion-hearted Richard, kingly and pious as he was; I am, like you and everyone else, a Pawn.

Black or white makes no difference; behind each of us, tucked away in corners, hidden from view, are our Castles. Each is a piece of history, his story or her story told by rambling ramparts relishing religion, proclaiming portculi propounding peace, and heralding holds harbingering horrors.

King or queen, bishop or knight, rook or pawn matters not; before it is over all peaces fall into pieces but in the end each piece falls into peace.

Pathetically, proletariat pawns are lucklessly left frivolously fighting for sinister scraps seduced from reticently rich royalty, narcissisticly naive nobility, carelessly clueless clergy:

all three, the royal and noble
clerics, not at all endearing,
modestly mandate merciless
marches of military might;
in legions of the shining knight,
forced by Tetragrammaton's fright
instilled by years of holy trite,
by blinding day and blinded night
to end allegedly cursed blight;
setting Muslims by flame alight
in an endlessly pointless fight
furthering wrongs, nary a right.
Venomous like the spider's bite,
rage and avarice take delight
of a war waged not at all bright,
toxins spread like dark pierced by light
poisoning this most sacred site.

And the pawns are pawned, their lives forfeit; teeming are the masses, wrathfully writhing in vindictive vengeance perilously percolating to the boiling point and then...

Eruption.
The explosion cannot be contained.
Devastation.
The bourgeoise collapse.
Cooling.
The old ways are dismissed.
Reconstruction.
New ideologies are implement.

Strategies are laid
Final moves are made.
The cycle complete,
harking the defeat
of those that oppressed,
finally redressed
the Pawns did berate
the world with 'Checkmate!'"
-Jason Sabback
(Prose and poetry, octects and pentameter, all under the guise of a game of Chess. I like it though it went on longer than I initially planned!)
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Old 09-23-2007   #2
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Re: Untitled Sleep-Deprived Speed-Assisted Shite.

im glad it came with the disclaimer. "i wrote this while on a bunch of uppers one night."
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Old 09-23-2007   #3
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Re: Untitled Sleep-Deprived Speed-Assisted Shite.

That wasn't a disclaimer so much as it was just to let you know why it went on so much. And why it is so alliterative. I get really into alliteration when I'm on speedy drugs.

And when I say uppers, I should explain that it's just my ADD medication, Adderall.

But damn it all Ryan! What did you think!?
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Old 09-23-2007   #4
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Re: Untitled Sleep-Deprived Speed-Assisted Shite.

i think you didnt focus enough on teh journey. you were ubber detailed in the begging only to cop out in the last two stanzas. it feels rushed. which i guess makes sense. some of the alliteration is cool, but over all im to sleepy to really get into this. i might need to be on uppers as well.
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Old 09-24-2007   #5
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Re: Untitled Sleep-Deprived Speed-Assisted Shite.

Adderall, eh? I'll have to try it.
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Old 09-25-2007   #6
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Re: Untitled Sleep-Deprived Speed-Assisted Shite.

You've never taken adderall? Legal meth!
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Old 09-25-2007   #7
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Re: Untitled Sleep-Deprived Speed-Assisted Shite.

I wouldn't take meth, legal or no.
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Little Jimmy: (Tries to pour cereal from box; nothing comes out) "Nothing...for breakfast?"
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Old 09-25-2007   #8
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Re: Untitled Sleep-Deprived Speed-Assisted Shite.

I'm prescribed it for attention deficit disorder. 'Course, I was never tested for ADD. I just wanted the drugs. And I can be rather persuasive, even to a doctor. All it took was a sound knowledge of the symptoms of ADD and the benefits and good and bad effects of the drug for me to get it. I just like uppers. Daily uppers. It makes me hate life less.

And it's not as addictive as crystal meth and works a hell of a lot better in my opinion.
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The first thing that came into being, void and without form, a lifeless lump, unfashioned and unframed, the Prima Materia from which all comes, influenced by forms and given structure by matter it becomes all that is, with increase in entropy it is into which all shall fall, endlessly and in all directions, a self-reflexive paradox.
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Old 09-26-2007   #9
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Re: Untitled Sleep-Deprived Speed-Assisted Shite.

my friend tiffany got perscribed them,and she deffinatly dose not have add. but shes bi polar, so it helps her go go go allday instead of laying in bed weeping. so fun times!
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What we have is socialism for the rich and trickle down economics for the rest of us. I am part of the 99% of Americans left outside of Economic Elite circles...
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Old 09-27-2007   #10
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Re: Untitled Sleep-Deprived Speed-Assisted Shite.

I had a teacher that was bi polar once.....He didn't last long.
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Old 10-01-2007   #11
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Re: Untitled Sleep-Deprived Speed-Assisted Shite.

Well what happened? Did he kill himself? Or get on medication and realize that teaching wasn't for him?

Also, anyone else read my thingie? Whatcha think?
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Old 10-02-2007   #12
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Re: Untitled Sleep-Deprived Speed-Assisted Shite.

Interesting. I like this “chess” metaphor and how you added a little “zest” to a rather cliché idea. That you drew a parallel between historical figures and these chess pieces also added a nice zesty splash of originality. Overall, I enjoyed the piece conceptually and how it “flows” when read. Good.

This line amused:

Quote:
…before it is over all peaces fall into pieces but in the end each piece falls into peace.
Poignant, pithy and perpl--bewildering…all at the same time. Well done, indeed.

The long, rhyming stanza directly in the middle of the piece is also quite effective.

Quote:
…Pathetically, proletariat pawns are lucklessly left frivolously fighting for sinister scraps seduced from reticently rich royalty, narcissisticly naive nobility, carelessly clueless clergy:
“V” must’ve been one of the few (given, fictional) individuals to pull off *extremely* prolonged alliteration successfully (and hilariously, at that). So, my only qualm with this piece might be the mildly excessive alliteration, but you already explained that, so…*Sudden shrug*

(Don’t get me wrong. Alliteration is extremely fun and all, but, methinks, the main use for alliteration is to bring attention to a certain element in a piece, cause something to stand out or to emulate whatever imagery you’re describing…you know, as with sonics, ‘n’ that. Wow…this is a long parenthetical comment…how does one escape parentheses? Ahhh, parentheses! Get me outta here! Anyone have a crowbar? A rock hammer? My...feet...)

*Long, horrific pause*

…Um, anyway. A lovely, if not slightly lugubrious, bit of writing, EmperorChaos.
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