memories forgotten..

[Fatal Error]

these are poems that i wrote during my freshman year of high school when i was going through hell with my family and just life in general..feel free to comment or whatever..just thought i'd post them here for the hell of it.

[Fatal Error]

Fun-filled Friday
Another Friday night filled with drugs and dreams
Just me and my baby and these little white pills
Little white pills filled with nightmares
I see nothing but the tears frozen in your eyes
Your tears show emotion, love, and hope
You are scared but baby I'm scared too
I hold you in my arms as close as close can be
And I look into your eyes as deep as I can see
I see a black sky with a red moon of blood
And I see a field of broken dreams with not a single flower bud
I see a girl who suffers much unneeded pain
A girl whos only hope is diminished by the rain
Of a mother whos heart is as cold as stone
And her only ambition is for her daughter to be alone
I love the ring we share
Keeping us so close
Nothing is so beautiful, not even the whitest rose
I love the heart we hold
It feels ever so true
I know I can get through anything as long as I have you
I love the love we have
It makes me feel complete
As I hold you in my arms as close as close can be

[Fatal Error]

1134
For all the times I made Her cry
And all the times I should have died
I wonder why I'm still alive.
All the things she said to me
With every word, every thought, every memory,
I close my eyes and try to believe;
That maybe you care for me.
But in the end when self-hatred grows strong
I will reject your lies and accept my own.
And on the last page of this notebook
And with the last breath of mine
I will tell you I love you, and everything will be fine.
And the clock will glow bright as your heart grows sore,
And I will give my life to 1134.
In closing this poem I wish you all farewell.
But don't be sorry - no one could tell.
And sooner than expected my memory will fade
My love I will send
From a heart so betrayed

[Fatal Error]

Falling From Ashes
Falling from ashes, these angel's tears
What's left, the burning of a rose, the scent of fear
I can taste the amber dancing on my tongue
The bitter sweet taste of your gentle lips
To soothe my violent mind, my tattered wings
Breathless from battle, I stand still
I close my eyes and fall to my knees
I can no longer withstand this fight
Like this burning rose, I'm slowly collapsing
The sweet green sage of heaven's holy garden
Is to be destroyed by the cinder flames of hell's creation
To Satan I fall, too late to look back
Will you save me from this solitude?
Will you break the chains that bind me to imperfection?
I am calling out your name but will you come?
Will you save me from this epic downfall?
Keep me close, keep me safe
Give me breath, give me life
An angel you are, a fallen angel may be,
Will you be my angel for eternity?

[Fatal Error]

(-untitled-)
When Fate has it's way and
Hate takes it's toll,
I will collapse in the construct of it all.
Because of something 'she' said or did,
You are my reasoning.
Is this bottle half full or half empty?
It won't matter soon.
These tears burn my eyes as I tilt my head back.
Three bottles of beautiful red capsules
Seven digits to call your name
Nine times the phone does ring
Thirteen times six, these tasteless capsules down my throat.
One dead body who was just looking for someone to love.

[Fatal Error]

(-untitled-)
On this torn piece of paper I write my thoughts.
How do I feel towards you? How do I make you feel...
I'm sorry if I'm not enough to make you happy..
If I'm not enough to be your only love.
Hell, what is love anyways? Giving your heart to someone and trusting them not to break it?
Yes, I like you, I want you, to be mine, as I want to be yours.
I want to be together. You seem to understand me for not many do.
I've had a taste of heaven and now this is hell.
Is it worth the wait? I believe so...but slowly I crumble.
I'm not strong enough to be alone, I need someone to watch over me.
Go ahead! Call me weak!
I am this way because of my unfortunate past.
I am not looking for sympathy, but merely love.
Love from someone who won't hurt me.
I will call your name...
I am waiting for you
Waiting for you...
I can only hope for us.

[Fatal Error]

(-untitled-)
These thoughts pour out like blood
From the wounds you have given me
With Heroin, with Mescaline, with Cocaine and LSD
This is how I live my life. Why?
Because of all the pain and misery in my past.
Lies, stupidity, greed, hate, fear, destruction,
Fun, like a game. It's all too familiar.
I try not to fall into this hole every time
But each time I break down. I open my gates
I trust you with the key to my heart
Whether you come or not is your choice
But please, don't make it hurt. I don't want pain
I want love, I want sincerity, I want passion, I want to be in your arms
I want to be one with you.

[Fatal Error]

Acid Dreams
I close my eyes and fall into the rabbit hole.
How far does this go? How far will you take me?
I can no longer define reality.
Where does this line get drawn?
Who is to define reality and dreams?
When my tears are the color of blood,
I scream out to this world, do you hear my screams?
Where is the beginning, and where is the end?
I can only scream so loud, but my echo will sustain.
My blood flows cold and my heart screams loud.
I can't find a reason.. why won't I end this happiness?
Becuase you can't turn your back on a drug..
Especially when it's waving a razor sharp hunting knife in your eye..
These are my dreams, these are my fantasies
Do you hear my screams?
For I have acid dreams...

[Fatal Error]

my angel from above
The darkness shines bright and captures my eyes
I cannot see for I have been blinded by misery.
I look around frantically trying to find a light.
I hear a voice calling...calling out to me
I reach out and you pull me away.
You pull me away from everything that is bad
You keep me safe when death's blade is to my throat.
For you are stronger than that.
You take the blade and with your bare hands you force it away.
Away from me, keeping me safe, once again.
Time after time, you are there.
You are my holy strength, you are my light, you are my everything.

I close my eyes and see visions.
Visions of hope.
I can see the sunlit skies above this ocean of hope.
I can see a field of dreams where the flowers bloom.
I can see an angel.
This angel...she comes from my dreams.
So beautiful, so breathtaking, so..perfect.
This angel, she is mine.

[Fatal Error]

I am touched by the angels falling from the ash...
Awoken by darkness' kiss, I open my eyes.
A field of dreams or a sky of tears?
Alone, I begin my descent.
Bold and strong, I stand still as earth.
You cannot impose upon my sequestered soul.
The tunnel's light is no longer, a journey through obscurity it has become.
Still, my fallen angel guides the way.
Taking my hand, we press upon the verge of apocalypse.
The taste of demise, the scent of descruction lingering at my unconscious fingertips.
Seven steps forward, and one step back. Six is the beginning of the end.
Securely I stand, firm to the ground. Ashes of a rose, as I look around.
With the demise of civilization, and corruption of the land, strongly I stand.
The gods from above tearing away at the earth, not to move my circle of rebirth.
Shielded from the brightest light, protected from the darkest shade of gray,
My tear falls to the ground, on my knees I solemnly pray.
For a new beginning as the wind slowly passes.
Take my life away, take with me these ashes.
For creation I give, my life on this day.
And with my final breathe, my whisper does say:
I knew once a life, where souls never die.
And in this life, saints never cry.
As the light begins to break, on the beginning horizon,
I am awoken by fate's untelling bliss.

[Fatal Error]

the one in the distance
I am but a boy, alone and tortured.
Weary from this battle of life,
Scarred and frightened by the days I have seen,
The moonlight sky breaks upon my forgotton soul.
The music is loud and the calm begins to settle.
In this dark room of mine, I rest my eyes.
I wander through my head and let the rhythm take control.
Memories of what was, and thoughts of what should be,
Reminders of pain, and retention of agony.
Tears begin to fall, and these tears tell a story.
I recollect the reason why I am still alive.
Like a sudden shock, I open my eyes to see visions of her before me.
Enchanted by the very look in her eyes, it sends me into a trance.
Fearless and godlike, I remember my pain.
You have denied my strength, you have denied my will.
Not giving up, I help her still.
You have put me through hell and you have pulled me down.
But I am a god, and I will turn it around.
Taking my stand, upon my glorious throne,
I will show you my power, I will show you my tears,
I will show you my strength, and I will tell you my fears.
Understand it for what it is, and believe it for what it can be.
You know my weaknesses, now can you destroy me?
Trying to overcome a world of me, you have failed.
The bass is pounding and the beat is strong
This is my heaven, this is where I belong.
I have beaten your game and I must join my goddess.
This is what I have yearned for, this ecstatic bliss.
The body and soul, together they sink,
Slowly spinning in a spiral of emotions.
I can feel the very life flowing through my body.
With every joyfilled tear and every enchanted kiss,
It brings a smile to my face to remember that this...
This is the source of every euphoria, this lifestream of ecstasy.
I breathe it in and let it sink for she is my holy strength.

[Fatal Error]

untitled
This life means nothing without you.
There's not much left that I can do.
I'm falling under, too deep to breathe,
Just hold my hand and take this ride with me.

I'm starting to see the fires of hell,
The heat is getting to me; It's too late to yell.
I'm nothing on my own.
But with you I can make it out,
Just hold me tight cause the turning point is now.

With you by my side, I can carry the world.
Please tell me that you'll stay.
Alone, I am nothing; A boy with no soul,
Together with you, we're immortal.

Life can't win in this game of trust,
Life won't win, not over us.
What is life, nothing but a lie.
I was born to wonder why...
Now I live to find the key,
Or pick the lock to eternity.

I've found the way,
Just hold my hand.
Hold it tight cause we've reached the sands
To the beach of hope, this ocean of dreams...
Forever and ever, we will always be.

[Fatal Error]

i tried writing songs but i think the quality of them sucks compared to the poems..*shrug*

[Fatal Error]

Forever In Need
Chorus
How long has it been since the start of it all
I'm becomming less and I'm starting to fall
I dug the hole myself and it's pretty fucking deep
Always looking out, I'm forever in need

Verse
The vines have already grown too long
And I'm inside looking out
This entanglement is too tightly wrapped
And my soul eternally trapped

Verse
Take a look through my eyes
Tell me what you see
It's filled with hate, it's filled with greed
Now try being me

Outro
When all is said and done
And I'm bleeding on the floor
I listen to your laughing
And kill myself once more

[Fatal Error]

Starting Over
Intro
Time passes by and I question my life
Is this who I want to be?
Or is it just an illusion?

Verse
I can see the white light
And it pulls me toward
A new beginning, a new life
This is it, I'm starting over

Chorus
I've gone as far as I can
I've been to heaven and hell
I've reached the top of the mountain
And this is my story to tell

Verse
With my life collapsing around me
And others starting to fall
Should I end it all now
And take them all down?

Outro
Or maybe touch the ocean of purity and hope
Where I can cleanse my soul and grasp the rope
Pulling me up and lifting me away
Finally taking me to a better place

[Fatal Error]

Untitled
I'm so lost, so confused
I'm tired of this, I'm tired of you
I'm living your life, let me live my own
Just stay away, just leave me alone

I'm sick of living in this world of lies
It's not my life, and I'd rather die
Than live this life that you've set for me
I'm not what you want, what you want me to be
Just open your eyes and then you'll see
Just open your eyes to reality

I'm so lost, so confused
I'm tired of this, I'm tired of you
This is not your life so stay away
It's over now not another day.

[Fatal Error]

they're getting kind of emo..i'm sorry :-\

[Fatal Error]

Untitled
Verse
With every waking moment
And every endless lie
I don't know why
Why you chose to do this
And why it has to end
All the time that we've spent
Together in our lives
It's over now
Just say goodbye

Chorus
I'm better off now
Than I've ever been
I'm on my own
My own until the end

Bridge
It's over now
And I'm over you

Verse
So we meet again
And you want me back
You've had your chance
And you fucked it up
Just go away
I don't want you back
Let me live my own life
Just leave me alone

[Fatal Error]

untitled
Verse
Is it reality or is it a dream?
Alone in misery, can you hear my screams?
I'm on the edge, about to break
I don't know how much more I can take.

Chorus
When I cry at night,
Will you think of me?
Will you bother to call
I'll just have to see.

Verse
The night is late, I'm still alone
You don't love me, I should have known.
All the things you said to me
Just created misery.

Chorus
When I cry at night,
Will you think of me?
Will you bother to call
I'll just have to see.

Verse
I give up on life
With a slice of the knife
Deep into my skin
I can't let you win
You've given me death
Now you care
All I can give
Is this lifeless stare.

[Fatal Error]

Untitled
Verse
You're pulling me down
Day by day
Shut the fuck up
There's nothing to say

You had your chance
You fucked it up
I'm done with you
I've had enough

Chorus
I've got to let go before you pull me down
It's time to be free, the time is now
For me to let go, before you pull me down

Bridge
I don't need you to live, I can breathe on my own
I don't need you, leave me the fuck alone

Verse
Without you
I'm doing fine
I've had enough
It's the last time

Leave me alone
Let me be
Let me live
For eternity