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Old 12-03-2005   #1
ablethevoice
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Traffic stop jokes

OK, I didn't run these thru the Acme It's Been Posted On AS Before machine, but here they go anyway:

TRAFFIC STOP 1: Shut UP, bitch!


A cop pulls over a car one day. There's a man with his wife in the car.
"Sir, I had you on my radar doing 70 in a 55 zone."
"Oh, no, officer. That can't be right. I had my cruise control set at 60 mph. Your radar must be off calibration."
His wife speaks up: "Dear you know this car doesn't have a cruise control." The man snaps a look at his wife with an angry "Shut up bitch!"
The cop starts to write up a ticket. He peers into the car and says, "And I see you weren't wearing your seatbelt, either. Thats another 75 dollar fine."
The man answers "No, way Officer. I took it off to get to my wallet when you pulled me over!" And his wife pops up with, "Now, dear! You KNOW you never wear your seatbelt!" The man snarls, "shut UP, bitch!" thru clenched teeth, but she continues, "good thing you had your radar detector on- you were driving a lot faster than 70!"
The cop looks inside the car, and sure enough, theres an expensive radar detector on the dash. He says, "Sir, radar sniffers are illegal in this state. I'm afraid that's another 150 dollars." He starts to write yet another ticket. The man bellows "Bitch, can't you keep your (&^%&(^%&^% mouth SHUT? EVER?!" Well, even the cop is rattled by the man's outburst. He pauses in his writing and asks the woman "Ma'am, is your husband always so abusive?"
"No, not always... only when he's drunk!"

TRAFFIC STOP 2: Big rectum

A lady gets flagged down by a cop on a deserted stretch of hiway. He swaggers up to the car and informs the lady she was really hauling ass.
"Well, I'm late for work, Officer!"
"What kind of work do you do that you need to race down the highway at that speed?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher."
"A whaaaaat?"
"Yes, I'm a rectum stretcher. I start with one finger, then I put 2 in, then 3 and work my hand in. Then, I start working the other hand in. Then I start to pull, and tug and stretch till I have the rectum 6 feet across."
"And what the fuck do you do with a six foot asshole?"
"Stick it in a uniform, slap a badge on it, give it a radar gun and park it on the side of a deserted road!"

**Young guy said this happened to his friend in rural Alabama last summer. His buddy tied a bunch of pieces of 55 gallon drum and other misc loud metal debris to the trailer hitch of his truck with strong cord and went dragging them around some flyspeck town. The local Sheriff pulls him over and asks what he's doing making all that racket. The kid allegedly said "A buddy of mine said it attracts pigs, and ya know, he was RIGHT!" LOL according to the guy that told me, the cops couldn't really charge him with anything, but they stripped his truck to almost component parts conducting a "drug search". Finding nothing, they left him with his truck on blocks on the side of the road.

Actually, the dude that told me has a rather in-your-face attitude... it might have actually happened to HIM! It would serve him right.**


and BTW, how in the world did I get 0.5 points somewhere along the line?
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Old 12-03-2005   #2
Ziech
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Re: Traffic stop jokes

Quote:
Originally Said by ablethevoice
and BTW, how in the world did I get 0.5 points somewhere along the line?
It's really all in your imagination... give it a bit and it will be gone.
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Old 12-03-2005   #3
Indiana Tones
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Re: Traffic stop jokes

I liked the rectum stretcher one.


Quote:
Originally Said by ablethevoice
and BTW, how in the world did I get 0.5 points somewhere along the line?
It takes a half a point to post your score in the arcade, so maybe that's what happened. Either that or the e-tax on donating points to someone else.
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Old 12-03-2005   #4
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Re: Traffic stop jokes

well I have .64 points... so I'm not sure that it's exact
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