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Writer's Corner The pen is mightier than the sword. Post your writings or poetry. Also discuss your favorite authors or books.

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Old 05-30-2005   #1
CarolineXenia
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Effeminize me

Effeminize me

Spring is finally clinging; the trees have trusted its firm grip
by allowing lacey flowers to decorate their awkward branches.
And a humming bird prods around unfolded apple blossoms
searching for the remaining sweet sips, which have been forgotten
by the droves of bees.

What if I were to call this scene,
these frail flowers, masculine?
Would it change the meaning and
make this image deeper or possibly more
sexually charged?

Flowers are merely sex organs;
the sky splits open and
they crumble.

EDIT: new version:

Effeminization

The trees have succumbed to
spring’s firm grip,
allowing lacy flowers
to decorate their awkward branches.
And a humming bird prods
willing apple blossoms
searching for the remaining sweet sips.

What if I were to call the scene,
these frail flowers, masculine?
Would this change the meaning and
make this image deeper,
more sexually charged?
Would supple petals become stiff,
and the hummingbird wince
when forced to swallow sour nectar?

Flowers are merely sex organs;
the sky splits open and
they crumble.

Last edited by CarolineXenia; 06-01-2005 at 09:13 AM.
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Old 05-30-2005   #2
david
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Re: Effeminize me

Funny this; omit 'crumble' from S3. The broken ending would make for a much more 'leading' interperetation.

Edit: Well you went and removed 'tend to'; fucking up this post entirely.
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Last edited by david; 05-31-2005 at 09:18 AM.
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Old 05-31-2005   #3
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Re: Effeminize me

Wow... I absolutely adore the imagery you've created....

For me, poetry is like food... you've got to be able to taste it...

And I could indulge in that...

Thanks for the read...

Cheers
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Last edited by *Lady Macbeth*; 05-31-2005 at 09:59 AM.
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Old 05-31-2005   #4
CarolineXenia
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Re: Effeminize me

Thank-you, both of you for the ideas and comments.
As always it is much appreciated.
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Old 05-31-2005   #5
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Re: Effeminize me

Most impressive. I liked the personification of the trees and spring, creating the images of hands. Nice.

Just one question...why is it titled "effeminize me" if you are, in fact, making the flowers seem masculine? Just curious...

Quote:
For me, poetry is like food... you've got to be able to taste it...

And I could indulge in that...
Mmmmm...tasty words.
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"When I first read the dictionary, I thought it was a long poem about everything."
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Old 05-31-2005   #6
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Re: Effeminize me

If you take note the title has changed, and what you pointed out was one of the reasons for it.
However, the primary title is drawing on the idea of emasculate versus effeminate and how the English language fosters male superiority and strength with in it. Hopefully the new title is clearer.

Thanks for the comments, I always appreciate them.
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Old 06-01-2005   #7
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Re: Effeminize me

God dammit. You keep editing.

I much prefered the first one.

Edit: Yep, that'd be it.

Edit: AHAHA.

Edit: I'll keep doing this till the fucking morning!

Edit: 3am, i've got ALL the time in the world.

Edit: AHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHA.
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Last edited by david; 06-01-2005 at 08:57 PM. Reason: Ahaha... you'd like to know, wouldn't you.
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Old 06-02-2005   #8
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Re: Effeminize me

Well apperantly "These things will come with time and practice. It is a good start". *mumble mumble mumble patronizing bitch mumble*


EDIT: Mwuahahahaha
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Old 06-02-2005   #9
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Re: Effeminize me

Outstanding point of view of our very own Mother Nature! YOu get rep for this artistic view of spring.
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Old 06-04-2005   #10
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Re: Effeminize me

My head is exploding with imagery. You put so much effort into every little description that it just compells us into the poem. Every linewas beautifully composed and well thought out, your concept is unlike anyone elses. Another exceptional installment.
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Old 06-06-2005   #11
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Re: Effeminize me

Sorry I've been somewhat, well not here, it is exam time and so poetry must take a back seat. Thank you all for your comments, they are always appreciated.
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