Almost Smart  

Go Back   Almost Smart > The Lounge > Jokes & Comedy

Jokes & Comedy Funny stuff.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 05-11-2003   #1
Grunt
Aye, very good
 
Grunt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Scotland
Age: 34
Posts: 1,683
Rep Power: 43
Grunt has a reputation beyond reputeGrunt has a reputation beyond reputeGrunt has a reputation beyond reputeGrunt has a reputation beyond reputeGrunt has a reputation beyond reputeGrunt has a reputation beyond reputeGrunt has a reputation beyond reputeGrunt has a reputation beyond reputeGrunt has a reputation beyond reputeGrunt has a reputation beyond reputeGrunt has a reputation beyond repute
How to install software

Quote:
How To Install Software -- A 12-Step Program

1. Examine the software packaging until you find a little printed box that explains what kind of computer system you need to run the software.

It should look something like this:

SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS
2386 PROCESSOR OR HIGHER
628.8 MEGAHERTZ MODEM
719.7 MB FREE DISK SPACE
3546 MB RAM
432323 MB ROM
05948737 MB RPM
ANTILOCK BRAKING SYSTEM
2 TURTLE DOVES
NOTE: This software will not work on your computer.

2. Open the software packaging and remove the manual. This will contain detailed instructions on installing, operating, and troubleshooting the software. Throw it away.

3. Find the actual software, which should be in the form of either a 3.5-inch floppy diskette or a CD-ROM, located inside a sealed envelope that says: LICENSING AGREEMENT:

"By breaking this seal, the user hereinafter agrees to abide by all the terms and conditions of the following agreement that nobody ever reads, as well as the Geneva Convention and the U.N. Charter and the Secret Membership Oath of the Benevolent Protective Order of the Elks and such other terms and conditions, real and imaginary, as the Software Company shall deem necessary and appropriate, including the right to come to the user's home and examine the user's hard drive, as well as the user's underwear drawer if we feel like it, take it or leave it, until death do us part, one nation indivisible by the dawn's early light,... finders keepers, losers weepers, ..."

4. Hand the software to a child aged 3 through 12 and say, "(Name of child), please install this on my computer."

5. If you have no child age 3 through 12, insert the software in the appropriate drive, type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.

6. Turn the computer on, you idiot.

7. Once again type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.

8. You will hear grinding and whirring noises for a while, after which the following message should appear on your screen:

The Installation Program will now examine your system to see what would be the best way to render it inoperable. Is it OK with you? Choose one, and be honest:

+--------+ +---------+
| __YES___|__|_SURE__ |
+--------+ +---------+


9. After you make your selection, you will hear grinding and whirring for a very long time while the installation program does who knows what in there. Some installation programs can actually alter molecular structures, so that when they're done, your computer has been transformed into an entirely new device, such as a food processor.

At the very least, the installation program will create many new directories, sub-directories, and sub-sub-directories on your hard drive and fill them with thousands of mysterious files with names like "puree.exe," "fester.dat," and "doo.wha.."

10. When the installation program is finished, your screen should display the following message:

CONGRATULATIONS -- The installation program cannot think of anything else to do to your computer and has grown bored. You may now attempt to run your software. If you experience any problems, electrical shocks, insomnia, shortness of breath, nasal discharge, or intestinal parasites, you should immediately *!@!$)$%@&*^)$*!#$_$*^&

11. At this point your computer system should become less functional than the federal government, refusing to respond even when struck with furniture.

12. Call the toll-free Tech Support Hotline # listed on the package and wait on the line for a representative, who will explain to you, in a clear, step-by-step manner, how to adopt a child aged 3 through 12.
__________________



Grunt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-20-2003   #2
Liquid
Well Known Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Age: 31
Posts: 277
Rep Power: 30
Liquid has a spectacular aura aboutLiquid has a spectacular aura aboutLiquid has a spectacular aura about
lmao
Its actually true how some kids know more about computers then their parents (makes you wonder why some parents are scared to use a computer). Reminds me of how the students at my school know more about the computers then the actual admin (no wonder he shut down our wireless net work).
Liquid is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Fuck Internet Explorer mike Tech Talk 28 01-23-2005 11:50 PM
Palladium Liquid Tech Talk 5 04-16-2003 05:33 PM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:56 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2000 - 2006, Almost Smart