Assorted affairs

[Bamcubz]

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening
the front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all
over him, and then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you,” she said, " pretend you're a
statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it
so I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and
returned with a sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that
for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a darned thing."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent." "One Cent?" the man exclaimed.

He glanced at the menu and asked:

"How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.

"A nickel?" exclaimed the man.

"Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied:

"Upstairs, with my wife."

The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his
business down here."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly:

"I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to,” his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, “I want to die in peace.

I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend,
and your mother!"

"I know," she replied, “now just rest and let the poison work."

[ablethevoice]

[Ziech]

hmmmm.... you know, your really good at copy and pasting jokes from other sites....

[Ziech]

Originally Said by Bamcubz

just about everything I have posted were emailed to me from real friends.....if you have read them before...good for you....otherwise...step back buddy!

still copy and pasting none-the-less
and I haven't read them before, I have found 99% of them to be tasteless/not funny. I realize that this aspect is related to my personality but I think at least 3 of your jokes that I remember would have been funny had it been rewritten.

[Bamcubz]

well since you are all of "18" I can see why you dont "get" the punch line.

[Jenn and tonic]

those are cute.

And Ziech, while I agree that these jokes are on other websites, 99.9% of the jokes on this site come from other websites or from e-mails, so I don't see why you are picking on her specifically.

[Summer Gurl]

I like them... they are cute...we need more of them.

[Ziech]

Originally Said by Jenn and tonic

those are cute.

And Ziech, while I agree that these jokes are on other websites, 99.9% of the jokes on this site come from other websites or from e-mails, so I don't see why you are picking on her specifically.

That is a good point, but I have also made that comment before to other people. It's mostly annoying when people spam the thread with lots of jokes they pulled from the site. I never once harrased Ag0ny because he posted the good ones, once every few days. I didn't laugh at all of them, but I didn't have to look past them to find something actually worth reading.

[Gerbil 01]

Somebody must have had their feelings hurt at school today. It's the only reason I see for moronic posts about "copy-ing and pasting" jokes.

All of them gave me a laugh... a much needed laugh at that.

[Ziech]

Originally Said by Gerbil 01

Somebody must have had their feelings hurt at school today. It's the only reason I see for moronic posts about "copy-ing and pasting" jokes.

All of them gave me a laugh... a much needed laugh at that.

well why don't you copy and paste a few so I can harass you then?

[SketchImpressions]

Gerbil. why do you alway have to be such a heavy? he was simply stating his opinion, tastfully with out any quips at anyone else, for you to jump into the convo and make childish stabs at his person is just plain inmature. 90% of the posts i have ever read of yours (not that i go looking for them, only if i run across them) are of you bashing someone for no apparent reason in a situation that didnt even involve you. Just relax. Its his opion not even directed at you.

[Gerbil 01]

Originally Said by SketchImpressions

Gerbil. why do you alway have to be such a heavy? he was simply stating his opinion, tastfully with out any quips at anyone else, for you to jump into the convo and make childish stabs at his person is just plain inmature. 90% of the posts i have ever read of yours (not that i go looking for them, only if i run across them) are of you bashing someone for no apparent reason in a situation that didnt even involve you. Just relax. Its his opion not even directed at you.

Yet another good laugh for me!!

Tastful?? Hardly.

Bashing someone with no reason.... right If I say anything to anyone... it's with good reason.

You are by FAAAARRRRR nowhere near the maturity level required to start judging mine. You think because you use slang and big words, it somehow makes you mature?? Live and learn darlin'.... live and learn.

Heavy? I'm not fat... i have cushion over my muscles so people don't hurt themselves on my chiseled body.

Ok Miss Insecurity... continue to defend your 'man' from the evils of society... but let him grow up sometime. If he can dish it (evident from other posts), he can take it on his own... so loosen his leash a bit and quit trying to mother him.

[SketchImpressions]

Originally Said by Gerbil 01

Yet another good laugh for me!!

Tastful?? Hardly.

Bashing someone with no reason.... right If I say anything to anyone... it's with good reason.

You are by FAAAARRRRR nowhere near the maturity level required to start judging mine. You think because you use slang and big words, it somehow makes you mature?? Live and learn darlin'.... live and learn.

Heavy? I'm not fat... i have cushion over my muscles so people don't hurt themselves on my chiseled body.

Ok Miss Insecurity... continue to defend your 'man' from the evils of society... but let him grow up sometime. If he can dish it (evident from other posts), he can take it on his own... so loosen his leash a bit and quit trying to mother him.

hahaha, heavy doesn’t mean fat, it means downer. as in "you are bringing the mood down, with unnecessary negativity."

I’m not insecure, you’re right, he fights his own battles, I wasn’t simply sticking up for him, but for myself, because it seems you needlessly attack me constantly in situations that don’t need your input. So I simply used this occasion to take a page from your book and but in, in order to state something I believed needed to be said to you. I'd say my statement was tasteful, I didn’t once attempt to make a stab at your character, unlike every rebuke I have seen form you in which you feel the only way to state your (negative)opinion is to try and flame the other person. as far as laughs go, good, glad you can laugh about your inability to take criticism about the way you treat and disrespect other people. I simply said what I did because I believe you are not as rude as you are being now, but you must simply have not of noticed so I thought I would call it to attention by letting you know it bothers some people.

And as for your good reasons, they are only good enough for you, I see your intent as malice, and rude.

[psychoDiablo]

LOL @ this thread.

Ziech, shut up about the copy-pasting of jokes. you think Agony, or Able or whoever is posting jokes, make up their owN?!? there's no need for you to tell anyone that and if you felt you had to tell Bamcubz that, why didnt you just PM her about it?

Gerbil and Sketch,... Funny you two.

you know, back int he days of being a kid, it was said that if a guy picked on a girl that he liked her. course he'd deny it and she'd get all bashful...

lol u two, three, are the funniest joke in this thread. :)

[Ziech]

Originally Said by psychoDiablo

LOL @ this thread.

Ziech, shut up about the copy-pasting of jokes. you think Agony, or Able or whoever is posting jokes, make up their owN?!? there's no need for you to tell anyone that and if you felt you had to tell Bamcubz that, why didnt you just PM her about it?

Why don't you copy and paste a few joke then so I can let you know your doing it? huh? Why don't you?

[psychoDiablo]

maybe i will. are you going to send me a PM about it or post it in the thread? spammer. lol as iff