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Old 07-06-2006   #1
butter
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aol

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-http://www.watleyreview.com/2004/111604-3.html
interesting to say the least.
AOL Admits 40% of Subscribers Don't Have Computers
Leading internet provider America Online (AOL) has confirmed a stunning statistic leaked by a dissatisfied employee last week, in documents sold to Fox News for an undisclosed sum.
"While we vigorously condemn the illegal theft of internal company documents, we must admit that they are in fact authentic," said a grim-looking Joe Redley, AOL's chief marketing officer. "Further, the facts as stated in the memos recently released to news organizations are in fact true; namely, that it does appear that a sizeable percentage of AOL subscribers do not, in fact, possess computers."
Until recently, the premier entry point to the Internet frontier, America Online is now trying to reinvent itself in a high-speed Internet world. Parent company Time Warner said last week that AOL lost 646,000 subscribers in the third quarter, reducing its subscriber count to 22.7 million U.S. members as of Sept. 30. It lost two million subscribers year over year. The revelation that 40% of its subscribers do not own computers could not have come at a worse time.
"Well, I got the disk in the mail, and it said if I wanted to subscribed I should send money to these people," said Carl Lewen, an AOL subscriber in Kentucky who does not own a computer. "It never said anything about having to do anything with the disk. I thought it was kind of like a souvenir."
According to the documents obtained by Fox, AOL became aware as early as 2001 that a substantial portion of its subscribers had no idea what a computer was, much less how to use one.
"The fact that they opted not only to keep these clients, but actually pursue such customers with increasing aggressiveness, bespeaks a serious ethical collapse at AOL," said Wired News analyst Mary Kowshik. "It's no wonder they have backed away from offering broadband service to many regions of the country - it is not profitable for them to compete in areas which actually involve offering technical services to people."
AOL was able to get away with this, apparently, because so many people are unclear as to what the internet is, or what benefits to expect from an online account.
"I kind of thought it was like subscribing to the yellow pages," said Lewen. "We kept getting copies of the phone book, so I thought AOL was doing that. I also wanted the virus protection, because it was flu season."
It is unclear whether any charges will be filed against AOL. The only complaint on record at the Internet Fraud Complaint Center is from a dissatisfied AOL subscriber who grumbled that its vaunted pop-up blocking service failed to counteract her husband's Cialis.
"Well, these documents do explain one thing," said Kowshik. "I always wondered how AOL managed to maintain a customer satisfaction rate of 40%. Now we know exactly which 40% of their client base that is."
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Almost had me believing this one until I saw the part about pop-up blockers and Cialis. Then I checked the Watley Review website and found this, as I suspected:
The Watley Review is dedicated to the production of articles completely without journalistic merit or factual basis, as this would entail leaving our chairs or actually working. Names, places and events are generally fictitious...
- -http://www.watleyreview.com/About.html
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Old 07-06-2006   #2
Jenn and tonic
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Re: aol

o. . .k...then why post this?
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Old 07-06-2006   #3
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Re: aol

"The Watley Review is dedicated to the production of articles completely without journalistic merit or factual basis, as this would entail leaving our chairs or actually working. Names, places and events are generally fictitious, except for public figures about which we may have heard something down at the pub."

I guess the fact you posted this in the jokes forum rather than the news forum puts me in a spot where I can't call you a fucktard. :\

EDIT: And if i had actually spent the time to read everything you posted I wouldn't have had to go find this.
"Almost had me believing this one until..."
But how the hell could you possibly believe this?! My mind was yelling bullshit at the title.
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Old 07-06-2006   #4
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Re: aol

Quote:
Originally Said by Savage_Nature
"The Watley Review is dedicated to the production of articles completely without journalistic merit or factual basis, as this would entail leaving our chairs or actually working. Names, places and events are generally fictitious, except for public figures about which we may have heard something down at the pub."

I guess the fact you posted this in the jokes forum rather than the news forum puts me in a spot where I can't call you a fucktard. :\
Well, it's not even remotely funny, so you should feel free.

Yugoloth's recent thread comes to mind:

http://www.almostsmart.com/forums/sh...ad.php?t=15897
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