Some Advice for the Future of My Relationship

Sytrohs87 · 09-27-2005

Alright, now that I've given advice, it's my turn to get it : P .. anyway, so I've been dating this girl for seven months today :) ... we've never had any of the problems I've had in previous relationships(smothering, arguements, etc.). If we have been in arguements they're very small, and never last more than five minutes. Most all of the time they're caused by misunderstandings which we then figure out and promptly apologize to each other. We're both have passive personalities, so we've never gotten into a heated arguement and are both quick to blame ourselves for disagreements, which leads to mutual reassurance that it's not each other's fault. Everything just seems to fit with her. I'm almost at the point where I can realistically see myself being with her for at least a good five to ten years. This in turn, frightens the hell out of me because I'm always wary of long-term commitments.

Now onto my question. If we get to the point where we've been together for over a year and we don't forsee any kind of breakup in the future, should we take time apart to try dating other people? I'm just afraid that we're both fooling ourselves into believing something that's too good to be true. I just want opinions on if we should find out whether or not other relationships have that same spark that ours does, now that we're a little bit older and a little bit wiser. This would be just in an attempt to avoid possible shooting down of expectations that could arise from a false sense of relationship security. What does everyone think?

_Marshall_ · 09-28-2005

why change something that is going good?

Bubble Girl · 09-28-2005

What he said ^

I think you should only take a break if you are getting a bit too much for each other. If there isn't anything wrong with your relationship then why take a break? If you are scared of commitment then take it slow and let her know how you feel about everything. The worst thing you can do is keep it all in and just do what she wants. Talk about it and decide what you want to do, though suggesting a break might make her worry whether your having second thoughts.

Besides, if you are truely happy together, I wouldn't have thought you would want to date other people...

Sytrohs87 · 09-28-2005

Thanks guys. I am just afraid of commitment, I think. We aren't suffocating each other at all, so I suppose you're right. I haven't ever kept anything from her, so much so that I feel completely naked when I'm with her. It's a wonderful feeling to be so comfortable with someone that you can just lay who you are in your entirety out in front of her and not worry about being judged. Again, thank you all for your advice; it's given my negatively-tinted personality some much needed assurance.

Bubble Girl · 09-29-2005

Hope things work out for you.

Sir Auric · 09-29-2005

If it's going well, keep hoping for the best.

Don't stop the relationship for any reason.

There is still development going on between you two, trust me.

The more time that you spend together, the more you will learn about each other, good or bad...hopefully good.

odd_fried_eggs · 10-01-2005

Pick-up line test dummy:
"My two favourite things are commitment and changing myself"

Woman: *pashes dummy*

Leila: "Does he have a brother?"

I felt that fitted into the general discussion of commitment. Sorry, I'll keep my futurama quotes to myself...

The less you do/say special things, the more special they become. They get boring after a while if you do/say them as much as you want to.

09-27-2005	#1
Sytrohs87 goliath Join Date: Sep 2005 Age: 35 Posts: 3,496 Rep Power: 75	Some Advice for the Future of My Relationship Alright, now that I've given advice, it's my turn to get it : P .. anyway, so I've been dating this girl for seven months today :) ... we've never had any of the problems I've had in previous relationships(smothering, arguements, etc.). If we have been in arguements they're very small, and never last more than five minutes. Most all of the time they're caused by misunderstandings which we then figure out and promptly apologize to each other. We're both have passive personalities, so we've never gotten into a heated arguement and are both quick to blame ourselves for disagreements, which leads to mutual reassurance that it's not each other's fault. Everything just seems to fit with her. I'm almost at the point where I can realistically see myself being with her for at least a good five to ten years. This in turn, frightens the hell out of me because I'm always wary of long-term commitments. Now onto my question. If we get to the point where we've been together for over a year and we don't forsee any kind of breakup in the future, should we take time apart to try dating other people? I'm just afraid that we're both fooling ourselves into believing something that's too good to be true. I just want opinions on if we should find out whether or not other relationships have that same spark that ours does, now that we're a little bit older and a little bit wiser. This would be just in an attempt to avoid possible shooting down of expectations that could arise from a false sense of relationship security. What does everyone think?

09-28-2005	#2
_Marshall_ Old & Wise Member Join Date: May 2004 Age: 33 Posts: 987 Rep Power: 40	Re: Some Advice for the Future of My Relationship why change something that is going good? __________________ Jesus Christ died for our sins, And if you don`t sin, Then he died for nothing. Do it for Jesus

09-28-2005	#3
Bubble Girl the little kaDy that could Join Date: Jan 2005 Age: 31 Posts: 2,075 Rep Power: 44	Re: Some Advice for the Future of My Relationship What he said ^ I think you should only take a break if you are getting a bit too much for each other. If there isn't anything wrong with your relationship then why take a break? If you are scared of commitment then take it slow and let her know how you feel about everything. The worst thing you can do is keep it all in and just do what she wants. Talk about it and decide what you want to do, though suggesting a break might make her worry whether your having second thoughts. Besides, if you are truely happy together, I wouldn't have thought you would want to date other people... __________________

09-28-2005	#4
Sytrohs87 goliath Join Date: Sep 2005 Age: 35 Posts: 3,496 Rep Power: 75	Re: Some Advice for the Future of My Relationship Thanks guys. I am just afraid of commitment, I think. We aren't suffocating each other at all, so I suppose you're right. I haven't ever kept anything from her, so much so that I feel completely naked when I'm with her. It's a wonderful feeling to be so comfortable with someone that you can just lay who you are in your entirety out in front of her and not worry about being judged. Again, thank you all for your advice; it's given my negatively-tinted personality some much needed assurance. __________________ "I've defected." -The Mars Volta "I consider the positions of kings and rulers as that of dust motes. I observe treasures of gold and gems as so many bricks and pebbles. I look upon the finest silken robes as tattered rags. I see myriad worlds of the universe as small seeds of fruit, and the greatest lake in India as a drop of oil on my foot. I perceive the teachings of the world to be the illusion of magicians. I discern the highest conception of emancipation as a golden brocade in a dream, and view the holy path of the illuminated ones as flowers appearing in one's eyes. I see meditation as a pillar of a mountain, Nirvana as a nightmare of daytime. I look upon the judgment of right and wrong as the serpentine dance of a dragon, and the rise and fall of beliefs as but traces left by the four seasons." -Siddhartha Gautama

09-29-2005	#5
Bubble Girl the little kaDy that could Join Date: Jan 2005 Age: 31 Posts: 2,075 Rep Power: 44	Re: Some Advice for the Future of My Relationship Hope things work out for you. __________________

09-29-2005	#6
Sir Auric ZOMGBBQCHEESESNACKS! Join Date: Jan 2005 Age: 36 Posts: 2,737 Rep Power: 46	Re: Some Advice for the Future of My Relationship If it's going well, keep hoping for the best. Don't stop the relationship for any reason. There is still development going on between you two, trust me. The more time that you spend together, the more you will learn about each other, good or bad...hopefully good. __________________ With your eyes, see this moment. With your love, feel this pain. With your heart, find a rhythm. With your hands, hold the rain. I want everyone to remember how precious life is...I didn't think too much about the future until I created it for myself...now I'm a bit more mature and have a beautiful daughter. Don't cheat yourself of a full life, surrounded by the people, things, and memories that you cherish.

10-01-2005	#7
odd_fried_eggs Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Age: 33 Posts: 97 Rep Power: 36	Re: Some Advice for the Future of My Relationship Pick-up line test dummy: "My two favourite things are commitment and changing myself" Woman: pashes dummy Leila: "Does he have a brother?" I felt that fitted into the general discussion of commitment. Sorry, I'll keep my futurama quotes to myself... The less you do/say special things, the more special they become. They get boring after a while if you do/say them as much as you want to.

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