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Old 06-01-2011   #1
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Frustration / Bad at talking to girls

I really want a gf. Or at least to hook up with a girl. Like seriously. Ever since me and my gf broke up, like three months ago man, I haven't so much as flirted with a girl.

I have NO confidence to talk to girls. Like, most of the time if I'm at a party or something, I get so freaked out that girls I don't know are going to think I'm creepy, that I just ignore them completely. Like if they say something to me directly, I'll respond, but otherwise I just pretend they aren't there. I haven't always had this weird social anxiety around women, and I feel like the older I get, the worse it gets.

It makes it even worse that my best friend kills it with ladies and I constantly see them staring at him with lust, and it's like they don't even notice I exist.

On Saturday I was at a rave and a cute girl actually tapped me on the shoulder and told me her name and I just said "hi" and then kind of walked away because I felt so fucking awkward and weird.

I really don't know how to get over all this.

I figured I'd make this thread, for people to talk about their own anxieties in the dating scene / make fun of me / offer me advice / tell unrelated stories. As an attempt to liven the forum up a bit. For real though
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Old 06-02-2011   #2
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Re: Frustration / Bad at talking to girls

lil mudman hit a mudflap. you should just jump into the mudpit, because as is Oregon, you'll have plenty of rain to keep you muddy, with no sunshine lurking to dry you up.
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Old 06-02-2011   #3
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Re: Frustration / Bad at talking to girls

I haaaaaate this bad weather, man!
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Old 06-02-2011   #4
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Re: Frustration / Bad at talking to girls

as with an anxiety attack, most people do not even notice unless you act weird about it. Most of the girls can probably tell you are over thinking this way too much and trying to act normal because you feel some anxiety. In reality the only thing making you seem weird is the fact that you are fighting your anxiety about talking to/interacting with females. Even though you pretend they are not there you probably do the shifty eyes thing which just makes guys look creepy. for example:



and...





I think you are right though its all about the confidence. Try talking to women you are not the least bit attracted to and maybe take one for the team just to let out your inner frustration....
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Old 06-03-2011   #5
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Re: Frustration / Bad at talking to girls

come to Eugene and chill. Me and Bean stalk will take ya'round anytime.

seriously though. your adorable and 20. don't worry it's only been 3 months. and a "hook up"? come on remember all those lonely nights at like 16? deal with it man! take up a hobby.
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Old 06-03-2011   #6
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Re: Frustration / Bad at talking to girls

When a girl approaches you, tell 'er, "funny, I don't much care for thelooko'ya." Then karate-chop her in the stomach, softly (seductively even) whisper into her hunched-over ear that you suffer a speech impediment, and waltz away. Keep 'er guessin'. Then make your move.

Also, mind the phases of the moon.

(Duh!)

...

...

What GD and Sketch said. Patience, young one. And yes, do take up crocheting or a nice man-sport. Focusing too much on "the problem" (which is no doubt psychological) only exacerbates it. Relax.

Also, ignore what other males are doing; you have every reason to have confidence in yourself. Own that.

[/If Oprah wrote really long fortune cookie messages]
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Old 06-03-2011   #7
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Re: Frustration / Bad at talking to girls

Here is what you do, put a Banana in your pants. That will have the girls all over you.
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Old 06-03-2011   #8
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Re: Frustration / Bad at talking to girls

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Here is what you do, put a Banana in your pants. That will have the girls all over you.
Into your pants? Why that?
Bananas belong into your ear, silly.
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Old 06-03-2011   #9
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Re: Frustration / Bad at talking to girls

LOL mudbanana

you dont need any whores fool. chicks at parties are exactly that. you dont wanna hook up with them. you want a nice girl with value and some morals. look into older women. they know how to dress, eat, and be a woman for cryin out loud
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Old 06-03-2011   #10
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Re: Frustration / Bad at talking to girls

Just use the best pickup line in the world: "Shit bitch, you is fine."

.........


In all seriousness, did you have this problem before you were with your ex-girlfriend, or do you still have some unresolved feelings about the breakup that might make you a bit nervous around women?
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Old 06-03-2011   #11
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Re: Frustration / Bad at talking to girls

tell em you wanna get married but she left you.
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Old 06-05-2011   #12
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Re: Frustration / Bad at talking to girls

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Originally Said by GoddessDivine View Post
as with an anxiety attack, most people do not even notice unless you act weird about it. Most of the girls can probably tell you are over thinking this way too much and trying to act normal because you feel some anxiety. In reality the only thing making you seem weird is the fact that you are fighting your anxiety about talking to/interacting with females. Even though you pretend they are not there you probably do the shifty eyes thing which just makes guys look creepy.


I think you are right though its all about the confidence. Try talking to women you are not the least bit attracted to and maybe take one for the team just to let out your inner frustration....
I don't think I act noticeably awkward, I just don't say anything, like one of those "I'm better than you" people orrr something. I do make shifty eyes a lot when I'm tying though >_>
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come to Eugene and chill. Me and Bean stalk will take ya'round anytime.

seriously though. your adorable and 20. don't worry it's only been 3 months. and a "hook up"? come on remember all those lonely nights at like 16? deal with it man! take up a hobby.
You didn't come to that rave! Hahah it was so much fun, cept I went sober because I got fuuuuuuucked up the night before in Seattle, to the point where I only remember like flashes of what happened.

Eugene though, hrmmmmmm, I'll definitely have to come down. Do you know Ben Gerlach? He's the only Eugene native I know. Haha like, everyone in the same city automatically knows everyone else in that city.

Quote:
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In all seriousness, did you have this problem before you were with your ex-girlfriend, or do you still have some unresolved feelings about the breakup that might make you a bit nervous around women?
I think the contributing element to anxiety that comes from my breakup is the overwhelming sense that as I'm 'on the market' I should be actively trying to get with every woman I talk to (even though that's retarded, of course) - and the deadlock that comes from thinking I should be pursuing girls and stubbornly NOT pursuing girls.
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Old 06-05-2011   #13
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Re: Frustration / Bad at talking to girls

You're at a rave - they are not expecting to talk much - say cool music lets dance. Girls are NOT that complicated, they like to shop and dance. Don't get them started talking cuz you probably will be bored to death by most girls your age.
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Old 06-05-2011   #14
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Re: Frustration / Bad at talking to girls

^i know right?

it's so simple now.
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Old 06-06-2011   #15
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Re: Frustration / Bad at talking to girls

Haha I used to do that in college at parties and in the pub, people just thought I was pissed off and one time I did overhear someone say "he thinks he's better than everyone else" the result is that I was probably the only guy at college who didn't get laid. Unless you wanna be single at 25 and only have a haircut and a bud to look forward to then you might wanna switch tactics lol
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Old 06-06-2011   #16
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Re: Frustration / Bad at talking to girls

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Unless you wanna be single at 25 and only [..]
Hey! I'm 26 and single.. ouch.

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Old 06-06-2011   #17
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Re: Frustration / Bad at talking to girls

My boyfriend suggests talking to them, but looking at their face and not their boobs. lolz
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Old 06-10-2011   #18
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Re: Frustration / Bad at talking to girls

Quote:
Originally Said by Bamcubz View Post
You're at a rave - they are not expecting to talk much - say cool music lets dance. Girls are NOT that complicated, they like to shop and dance. Don't get them started talking cuz you probably will be bored to death by most girls your age.
Yeah that...that would have made sense. I should have just been like "want to dance?" or something. No, "want to dance" sounds about right. I was so high I remember just saying something vague and then kind of slinking off. I was like, not in control of myself that night, though :S I don't even remember specific things, or what was going on, or what I was doing.
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Haha I used to do that in college at parties and in the pub, people just thought I was pissed off and one time I did overhear someone say "he thinks he's better than everyone else" the result is that I was probably the only guy at college who didn't get laid. Unless you wanna be single at 25 and only have a haircut and a bud to look forward to then you might wanna switch tactics lol
Aw, shit.
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My boyfriend suggests talking to them, but looking at their face and not their boobs. lolz
BOOBS? WHERE?
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Old 06-21-2011   #19
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Re: Frustration / Bad at talking to girls

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My boyfriend suggests talking to them, but looking at their face and not their boobs. lolz
Boobs would be better than eye contact for anxiety (lol) but dont get sucked in, can't remember it too well but was in a bar and met someone who used to give me loads of shit in school. His bird is of course a perfect 10 with huge boobs cause karma doesnt exist.
So anyway I just kept knocking the drinks back cause I felt crap and anxious then at some point I start zoning out really bad while im talkin to this guy and out of nowhere his bird asks me some kind of question which I'm guessing was "are you staring at my tits?" but I cant even remember. Only reason I'm guessing she asked that is cause I definitely remember how close my head was to her tits at that point... lol

This was actually like November when it happened, not been out drinkin since. Not just because of that, its more that I know I'm gonna go out and not say shit to any girl and if any say anything to me I'll say something really fucking stupid or do something really stupid and nalls it up. Then I'll spend about half what I just spent on drinks on a taxi all the way back home just in time for a joint and a wank before bed. Actually that night I forgot my keys and had to pay for another taxi.. and i lost my favourite hat =(
ok rant over ..

You should just stay home with some green where its safe, get your mate to bring some birds back and there ya go- you're on your own turf and you're smoking it, can't lose
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Old 06-21-2011   #20
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Re: Frustration / Bad at talking to girls

just yell at them. they listen better that way
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Chillin is cooperating with your surroundings, unknowing'st of what everything is capable of; and all the while, as it happens and after, to accept without any thought of good or bad, but mainly, just enjoying rather deeply, the moment you had to sit and think. (Not thinking.)

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