Bad jokes

Jugband · 12-26-2007

So here are some jokes you probably won't appreciate very much, and you probably won't find very funny anyway. But I'll try:

Knock knock
Whos there?
911
911 who?
9/11! you said you'd never forget!!

Q: Have you ever had Etheopian food?
random person: No, why?
A: They haven't either.

I feel like a bad person for laughing at those when I heard them.

Wheels · 12-26-2007

better ethiopan joke;

have you ever seen the ethiopian flag?
no?
that cause they ate it.

Drogdar · 12-27-2007

Q: What did the midget say when he walked into the bar?

A: "Ouch!"
=-=-=-=

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?

A: Doesn't matter what you call 'em, he still ain't coming...

Pittielynn · 12-27-2007

haha the dog one is horrible but soo funny.

misfitchris · 12-27-2007

Quote:

Originally Said by Drogdar

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?

A: Doesn't matter what you call 'em, he still ain't coming...

it has to be in the top 10 of all time :D

XxSk33txX · 01-07-2008

Two jews walk into a bar, they buy it.

The-Chadster · 01-08-2008

Drogdar · 01-10-2008

Q: whats the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?

A: I DONT have a Cadillac.

Q: Whats the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead baby in the road?

A: The dog has skid marks leading to it.

Q: Whats the fastest way to paint a house red?

A: Throw babies at it.

The-Chadster · 01-11-2008

Haha, babies! I love it lol.

Wheels · 01-11-2008

Drog. Fool. Its how many babies does it take to paint a house red? Depends on how hard you throw them.

foxyphoenix · 01-11-2008

Which is worse: ten dead babies in one trashcan or one dead baby in ten trashcans?

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean surrounded by sharks?
Fucked.

What's present do you get for a dead baby?
A dead puppy.

How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.

EmperorChaos · 01-11-2008

What worse than a truckload of dead babies?
Unloading it with a pitchfork.

What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby?
Threesomes.

What has four legs and one arm?
A rabid dog on a children's playground.

How do you make your baby cry twice?
Wipe your bloody cock on its teddy bear.

Why do babies have a soft spot on their heads?
So you can pick them up five at a time.

misfitchris · 01-11-2008

A horse walks into a bar. The barman asks, "Why the long face?"

Kali · 01-11-2008

dyslexic man walks into a bra.

David- · 01-11-2008

Abdul and Paddy are begging outside a railway station. Abdul has a Mercedes, a large house and is loaded, Paddy has fuck all. Abduls begging hat is overflowing with with numerous notes but Paddy has just a few coppers in his. "How do you do it?" asks Paddy. "Look at your sign" says Abdul. Paddys sign reads "Out of work, wife and 6 kids to support, please help". Paddy then looks at Abduls sign which says "I only need another £20 to get back to Pakistan".

A three year old boy, after examining his testicles in the bath says to his mother "Mummy, are these my brains?" His mother replies "No son, not yet."

This morning a suspected Pakistani bomber was shot 68 times in a raid on his Bradford home. When interviewed, Detective Chief Inspector Thomas, who led the investigation was asked "Why 68 bullets on 1 man?" He replied "Yes sorry about that, we ran out of ammo".

My old Grandad's motto in life was "What you can't see, won't hurt you."

He died of radiation poisoning.

A very badly behaved little boy refuses to get off of a very expensive rocking horse on display in a department store. His embarrassed mother eventually gives in and asks for some help from a shop assistant. "Don't worry" says the assistant "We employ a very qualified child psychologist at our store to deal with this kind of thing". She makes a quick call and within minutes he appears, goes over to the unruly brat and gently whispers in his ear. The child imediately dismounts the horse and once again joins his mother. The shop assistant looks admiringly at the psychologist and says "That was amazing, what did you say to him?". He leans to her and quietly says "Get off that horse now or i'll kick the fuck out of you, you little bastard!".

What's the difference between a British and an Iraqi soldier?
Don't know?
Welcome to the United States Air Force son!

Orgoth · 01-11-2008

Q: What happens when you throw a baby down the stairs?

A: I don't know about you, but I get an erection.

tynie · 01-12-2008

how many vietnam war vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
YOU DONT KNOW MAN, YOU WERENT THERE.

Drogdar · 01-12-2008

Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was chained to a bumper

How are babies and the elderly alike?
Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.

What's worse than smoking pot with a baby?
Making a bong out of it

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?
A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying on your porch?
Matt.

Why do you put a baby in the blender feet first ?
To see the expression on it face!

What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?
A trashcan lid in a dead baby.

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying on a beach?
Sandy.

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

Why did the toddler drop it's lollipop?
It was hit by a truck.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
You can't fuck a table.

What's bright blue, pink, and sizzles?
A baby trying to breast feed from an electrical outlet.

Pittielynn · 01-12-2008

I love dead baby jokes!

Whats better than one baby in ten trash cans?
Ten babies in one trash can.

Whats better than that?
Theres one alive at the bottom.

Whats better than that?
It eats it's way out.

Pittielynn · 01-12-2008

Warning: Really mean baby jokes follow. Read at own risk.

What do you call a dead baby with no arms, no legs, in the middle of the ocean?
Fucked.

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
Nail it's other hand to the floor.

What do you call a dead baby with no arms or legs, hanging on your wall?
Art.

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends on how hard you throw them.

Whats white and red and hangs off a telephone wire?
A baby shot through a snowblower.

What do you get when you dislocate a baby's jaw?
Deep throat.

Whats better than a dead baby?
The revoked child support.

Whats the difference between a truck load of bowling balls, and a truck load of babies?
You can't unload the truck load of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

Why do you unload a truck load of babies with a pitchfork?
So you can tell which ones are still alive.

12-26-2007	#1
Jugband Andrew's spokesman Join Date: Aug 2007 Age: 33 Posts: 1,304 Rep Power: 41	Bad jokes So here are some jokes you probably won't appreciate very much, and you probably won't find very funny anyway. But I'll try: Knock knock Whos there? 911 911 who? 9/11! you said you'd never forget!! Q: Have you ever had Etheopian food? random person: No, why? A: They haven't either. I feel like a bad person for laughing at those when I heard them. __________________

12-26-2007	#2
Wheels Aristodemus of Sparta Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 3,186 Rep Power: 60	Re: Bad jokes better ethiopan joke; have you ever seen the ethiopian flag? no? that cause they ate it. __________________ Whoever appeals to the law against his fellow man is either a fool or a coward. Whoever cannot take care of themself without that law is both. For a wounded man shall say to his assailant, "If I Live, I will kill you, If I Die, You are forgiven." Such is the Rule of Honor.

12-27-2007	#4
Pittielynn sweet, funny and down-right CUTE! Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 5,551 Rep Power: 101	Re: Bad jokes haha the dog one is horrible but soo funny. __________________ "Be strong while it's hard and laugh at it after it's over. You just gotta live." - Spadetje All along I believed I would find you. Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more... ...One step closer. •°o.O♠O.o°• Almost Smart Store Almost Smart Arcade

01-07-2008	#6
XxSk33txX Chattering is ignorance. Join Date: Jan 2008 Age: 29 Posts: 132 Rep Power: 28	Re: Bad jokes Two jews walk into a bar, they buy it. __________________ <------B-low Love

01-08-2008	#7
The-Chadster truth is more important than facts Join Date: Oct 2007 Age: 34 Posts: 1,007 Rep Power: 34	Re: Bad jokes __________________ Will we land on the right side of history? The only way back is through the thorns We're cut and bleeding We'll stop the grieving But first we'll need to stand and take a beating

01-11-2008	#9
The-Chadster truth is more important than facts Join Date: Oct 2007 Age: 34 Posts: 1,007 Rep Power: 34	Re: Bad jokes Haha, babies! I love it lol. __________________ Will we land on the right side of history? The only way back is through the thorns We're cut and bleeding We'll stop the grieving But first we'll need to stand and take a beating

01-11-2008	#10
Wheels Aristodemus of Sparta Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 3,186 Rep Power: 60	Re: Bad jokes Drog. Fool. Its how many babies does it take to paint a house red? Depends on how hard you throw them. __________________ Whoever appeals to the law against his fellow man is either a fool or a coward. Whoever cannot take care of themself without that law is both. For a wounded man shall say to his assailant, "If I Live, I will kill you, If I Die, You are forgiven." Such is the Rule of Honor.

01-11-2008	#11
foxyphoenix Ubi dubium, ibi libertas. Join Date: Jul 2007 Age: 33 Posts: 4,374 Rep Power: 112	Re: Bad jokes Which is worse: ten dead babies in one trashcan or one dead baby in ten trashcans? What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean surrounded by sharks? Fucked. What's present do you get for a dead baby? A dead puppy. How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ? Nail its other hand to the floor. __________________ o.O "In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." - Carl Sagan "It is always advisable to perceive clearly our ignorance." - Charles Darwin "What is man without the beasts? If all the beasts were gone, man would die from a great loneliness of the spirit. For whatever happens to the beasts, soon happens to man. All things are connected." - Chief Seattle Almost Smart Store

01-11-2008	#12
EmperorChaos Ruin you like this website. Join Date: May 2005 Age: 41 Posts: 11,726 Rep Power: 151	Re: Bad jokes What worse than a truckload of dead babies? Unloading it with a pitchfork. What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby? Threesomes. What has four legs and one arm? A rabid dog on a children's playground. How do you make your baby cry twice? Wipe your bloody cock on its teddy bear. Why do babies have a soft spot on their heads? So you can pick them up five at a time. __________________ The first thing that came into being, void and without form, a lifeless lump, unfashioned and unframed, the Prima Materia from which all comes, influenced by forms and given structure by matter it becomes all that is, with increase in entropy it is into which all shall fall, endlessly and in all directions, a self-reflexive paradox. -=-=-=- "Self-education is, I firmly believe, the only kind of education there is." -Isaac Asimov

01-11-2008	#13
misfitchris zer0. Join Date: Nov 2006 Age: 39 Posts: 936 Rep Power: 35	Re: Bad jokes A horse walks into a bar. The barman asks, "Why the long face?" __________________ "Art is always and everywhere the secret confession,and at the same time, the immortal movement of its time."-Karl Heinrich Marx "You're not your fucking khakis" -palahniuk Don't you just love it when the end result is greater than the sum of its parts?

01-11-2008	#14
Kali groingrabbingly good! Join Date: Dec 2003 Age: 35 Posts: 3,502 Rep Power: 66	Re: Bad jokes dyslexic man walks into a bra.

01-11-2008	#15
David- Double Plus Good Join Date: Oct 2007 Age: 37 Posts: 1,229 Rep Power: 50	Re: Bad jokes Abdul and Paddy are begging outside a railway station. Abdul has a Mercedes, a large house and is loaded, Paddy has fuck all. Abduls begging hat is overflowing with with numerous notes but Paddy has just a few coppers in his. "How do you do it?" asks Paddy. "Look at your sign" says Abdul. Paddys sign reads "Out of work, wife and 6 kids to support, please help". Paddy then looks at Abduls sign which says "I only need another £20 to get back to Pakistan". A three year old boy, after examining his testicles in the bath says to his mother "Mummy, are these my brains?" His mother replies "No son, not yet." This morning a suspected Pakistani bomber was shot 68 times in a raid on his Bradford home. When interviewed, Detective Chief Inspector Thomas, who led the investigation was asked "Why 68 bullets on 1 man?" He replied "Yes sorry about that, we ran out of ammo". My old Grandad's motto in life was "What you can't see, won't hurt you." He died of radiation poisoning. A very badly behaved little boy refuses to get off of a very expensive rocking horse on display in a department store. His embarrassed mother eventually gives in and asks for some help from a shop assistant. "Don't worry" says the assistant "We employ a very qualified child psychologist at our store to deal with this kind of thing". She makes a quick call and within minutes he appears, goes over to the unruly brat and gently whispers in his ear. The child imediately dismounts the horse and once again joins his mother. The shop assistant looks admiringly at the psychologist and says "That was amazing, what did you say to him?". He leans to her and quietly says "Get off that horse now or i'll kick the fuck out of you, you little bastard!". What's the difference between a British and an Iraqi soldier? Don't know? Welcome to the United States Air Force son!

01-11-2008	#16
Orgoth Mod In Training Join Date: Nov 2007 Age: 32 Posts: 2,729 Rep Power: 37	Re: Bad jokes Q: What happens when you throw a baby down the stairs? A: I don't know about you, but I get an erection. __________________

01-12-2008	#17
tynie You're Klaus Nomi, I'm Etta James Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 3,066 Rep Power: 56	Re: Bad jokes how many vietnam war vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? YOU DONT KNOW MAN, YOU WERENT THERE. __________________ What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.-Choke, Chuck Palahniuk

01-12-2008	#19
Pittielynn sweet, funny and down-right CUTE! Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 5,551 Rep Power: 101	Re: Bad jokes I love dead baby jokes! Whats better than one baby in ten trash cans? Ten babies in one trash can. Whats better than that? Theres one alive at the bottom. Whats better than that? It eats it's way out. __________________ "Be strong while it's hard and laugh at it after it's over. You just gotta live." - Spadetje All along I believed I would find you. Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more... ...One step closer. •°o.O♠O.o°• Almost Smart Store Almost Smart Arcade

01-12-2008	#20
Pittielynn sweet, funny and down-right CUTE! Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 5,551 Rep Power: 101	Re: Bad jokes Warning: Really mean baby jokes follow. Read at own risk. What do you call a dead baby with no arms, no legs, in the middle of the ocean? Fucked. How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles? Nail it's other hand to the floor. What do you call a dead baby with no arms or legs, hanging on your wall? Art. How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them. Whats white and red and hangs off a telephone wire? A baby shot through a snowblower. What do you get when you dislocate a baby's jaw? Deep throat. Whats better than a dead baby? The revoked child support. Whats the difference between a truck load of bowling balls, and a truck load of babies? You can't unload the truck load of bowling balls with a pitchfork. Why do you unload a truck load of babies with a pitchfork? So you can tell which ones are still alive. __________________ "Be strong while it's hard and laugh at it after it's over. You just gotta live." - Spadetje All along I believed I would find you. Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more... ...One step closer. •°o.O♠O.o°• Almost Smart Store Almost Smart Arcade

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
31 really bad masterbation ideas...	Mr Stabby	Jokes & Comedy	55	06-06-2010 09:04 PM
Are bad teeth a turn off?	Dg	Guys & Gals	23	05-20-2006 03:48 AM
Good Side, Bad Side	notlob	Threads That Never End	34	09-27-2005 10:04 AM
Too Bad	Indiana Tones	Writer's Corner	2	12-15-2004 09:14 PM
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly	cchyna13	Jokes & Comedy	18	10-14-2004 02:34 PM