Pass The Ghost Story

[Zanahoria_Picante]

(The bunny corpse Britney had swung at Pseudo-Billy had flown out of her grip and flopped onto the leaves. It lay still for a moment, then convulsed back to life, its eyes also glowing green.

"Oh, look--An undead bunny." Chad had mused, just before they started running.)

"What should we do?" Cried Shaniqua quietly.
"It's okay. I'll handle this." Desmond asserted, approaching the thing.
"Uh...hi."
The creature lurched towards him slightly, then stopped, looking slightly puzzled.
"Uh, yeah, hi. I'm Desmond. You can call me Des. Um."
The creature tried to remain menacing, but could not contain its confusion.
"Yeah..." Billy philosophized.
"Could we, like, talk about this or something?" Des added.
It swayed, then brought its spindly fingers somewhat guiltily behind its head.
"You know, you don't have to act like a monster, just 'cause you look like one. We could--we could find some common ground. Or at least you could not kill us.... What do ya say?"
It looked back at the dimensional rift it had entered from, then back at Desmond.
"It looks interested!" Shaniqua whispered to him enthusiastically.
The creature tore an average-sized tree from the ground and wielded it.
"Haha! Yeah!" Billy encouraged.

The other three continued fleeing from Pseudo-Billy, until they came to a wildly rushing river.

[cstoll]

"Thatcantbegood," Shaniqua blurted as the creature pulled the tree up and held it like a baseball bat.
"I'll charge it. You two run," Desmond bravely said.
Shaniqua and Billy just stood still.
Desmond paused, "Aren't you going to say, 'No, Des, don't do it, don't sacrifice yourself, we need your manly courage and the way you leave a few shirt buttons undone to brandish your manly chest'?"
Shaniqua: "No, you can do it."
Billy: "You can take him. Eye of the tiger and all that."
*Whoosh*
The creature swung the tree effortlessly, yet with massive force.
Des and Shaniqua ducked, but it struck Billy--still in a Mary Jane haze and slow to react--and he shot off like a rocket, arms and legs battering the night sky as he flew up and up.

Chad, Brit, and Valerie stood at a rushing river, with Pseudo-Billy soon to catch up with them. No one could hear the real Billy's scream as he flew overhead, and no one was tall enough to see the sky-swimming shadow of him reflected in Britney's bald, gleaming head as he passed across the moon.

[Zanahoria_Picante]

"WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Billy mused as he flew freely through the air, eyes tearing uncontrollably.

Desmond and Shaniqua watched Billy whoosh out of sight in drug-induced glee, looked at each other, then at the beast. It tilted its head curiously, salivating a disgusting amount, and took a few steps towards them.

"Um! Run?!" Desmond chirped, his voice cracking to a feminine pitch. But just as they started to bolt, several of the perfectly circular holes materialized and surrounded them. Without the best dramatic coordination, hands reached out from each.
"No...this definitely can't be good," said Shaniqua.

"Uhhh, guys? Where'd he go?" Britney shivered, due to fear, but moreso due to baldness. Pseudo-Billy had seemingly vanished.
"Here, this will intensify the last light of my flashlight," Chad gently aimed the beam at Britney's head, bending her to reflect it into the woods.
"UM...DIE?!" Britney wrenched away, still hunched over, and froze in that position with mouth agape.
The others saw, as well, that a bridge had appeared over the river, leading to a path, which led to a small building. It looked like a Starbucks.
Chad scrunched his face in bewilderment.
"Ummm! YUM!?" Valerie, without thought or hesitation, pranced towards it. The others followed.

[psychoDiablo]

Chad, Britney Spears, and Valerie stopped at the head of the old rickety bridge.
"With all this crazy shit going on, I wouldn't be surprised to see Ghostrider or some asshole headless horseman run us over as we cross this bridge." Said Chad not having anything to do with any more surprises. Because he said that, each of them was even more scared now to cross. They took their time stepping. Heel to toe. Heel to toe.
About half way across Britney took a step and her leg fell thru a broken wood beam.
"OMG, like help me already, I'm going crazy!" Cried out Britney.
"Fuckin idiot!" Screamed Chad, grabbing Britney and helping her back up to her feet. "Watch out will you? For crying out loud!"
Just then they heard a silent yell start to get louder and louder. The 3 were frozen halfway across the bridge.
"Whhhhhhattttt Thhhhhhhhhhee Fuuuuuuuuuck!?!?!?!?" The real Billy yelled all the way over the tops of his friends heads and crashed right thru the bridge in front of them and splashed hard into the river.
"HOLY SHIT!" Chad cried! Valerie and Britney screamed.
"OMG They are bombing us! We got to get out of here!"
The bridge started to make a cricking noise as if it was going to collapse. Chad noticed this, put Britney Spears on his back and told Valerie to run!
"Make it to the other end Val! GOOOO!!"
They got to the hole in the bridge, it was too big to jump over. Valerie jumped, grabbed on then climbed up and over. She looked back and extended her arms out. Chad took a step back, then leaped for his life with Britney on his back. He hanged onto the bridge, the river rushing beneath him, Britney clinging to Chad, choking him with her arms.
"Ack...fuck...Brit...*cough, choke*...Get off!" Choked Chad, nearly losing consciousness and grip. Valerie was right there and she tried to grab Britney's hair, but there was nothing to grab. Valerie freaked and started crying.
"Come on Britney! Climb up!" Val screamed at her. Britney just clinged to Chad, too scared to move. Chad's vision was going dim and the last he saw of Valerie was her frantic crying and trying to find a stick or pole or something. Chad's grip slipped and both he and Britney fell down into the river. Valerie looked over the edge, but couldn't see anything. Then a chill ran down her spine and she looked behind her.


Des and Shaniqua hopped through the forest, stepping on and over all the holes and hands coming out of them. They never ran so fast in their life. Des and Shaniqua rushed it through bushes and jumped over tree roots sticking out the ground. Ran through tree branches, cutting up their faces a little. They ran and Shaniqua let out a yelp as she tripped hard, knocking the air out of her. Des thought to himself that he should leave her and keep going. Then he stopped abrubtly and Shaniqua cried out.
"Dessssss! Please!!"
Des ran back to her, helped her to her feet.
"Oooooohhhh fffffuuuuckkk meee!" Des's eyes opened up and he froze.
"What, what is it Des?" Shaniqua said scared all over, catching her breath back. She looked behind her.
"ITS THE MOTHER FUCKING UNDEAD! RUNNNNNNN!!!!"
They continued running through the forest and saw a flicker of a light in the distance. Des took Shaniqua's hand and they ran toward it. As they got closer they could hear the rushing water and they saw the old rickety bridge. They ran onto it and stopped at the gap. The light, brilliant as ever now, beamed at them. On the other side of the bridge was someone standing, but they were in shadow.
"Oh come on, what is this?!" Desmond said out loud.
"Hey, is that Valerie? VALERIE!" Shaniqua exclaimed, she was quite happy to see another one of her friends. "Valerie?"
Val stood there staring back into the light.
"Valerie!" yelled both Des and Shaniqua. Valerie then dropped to her knees and there was a loud cracking noise. The bridge collapsed with Desmond and Shaniqua on it.
"AHHHHHHHH!" they screamed in unison as they fell with the bridge into the river.

[Zanahoria_Picante]

Originally Said by psychoDiablo

Des thought to himself that he should leave her and keep going.

SHOCKING!

That's hilarious, though. I like how you brought the groups back together (mostly). I'll probably add the next bit later (or someone else will, perhaps *cough*cstoll*cough* ).

[psychoDiablo]

well you would think that too if you had an undead Billy friend and his undead army rising out the graves to get you.

Yes, i brought them back to be split apart again! muahahahaha
remember the real Billy fell in first. did he stay there or drift down river? then it was Chad and Britney Spears....then Des and Shaniqua. And who knows what's happened to Valerie...

[psychoDiablo]

so I will do the honors, ZP...continued....


Billy washed up ashore about 2 miles down. He came to on top of some big stones. His ribs were scratched up a little. He ached to move, fearing he was paralyzed. This wasn't the case and he crawled his way onto land. He choked and coughed and realized he was fine.
"Jeez, what a fuckin head change...." He groaned to himself. He stood up slowly and looked around. No one was around.
"This is what I get for not sharing...God damn it." Disgusted with himself, he started to walk.
"Why's it so damn cold?" He looked down and realized his pants were missing. "WTF!!!?" Disgruntled and frustrated, he went back to the river to look for his pants. No such luck. And just his luck, his cut hand has become infected.

Britney and Chad were nearly drowning themselves in the river. Britney clinged to his back in a panic. Chad, though, kept his composure and struggled to get her grip loose. He spun his body around and faced her. Finally he wasn't choking anymore. He quickly reversed the position and floated her on her back as they both floated down river. He looked forward for something to grab on to and get out the water. He saw a long tree branch sticking out with what looked like a piece of cloth. He grabbed on and was able to get them both out safely and sprawled out onto the bank.
"Fucking bitch..." Chad started talking out loud. Britney kept quiet rubbing her head.
"Do you realize what the fuck happened Britney? You're dumbass almost killed me! You could have killed both of us. Do you have any brains inside that ugly bald head? God I cant even stand to look at you, you make me sick." Chad was pissed off. He went to were the cloth was and took it off the branch. He thought it was weird that someone's pants were missing. Nevertheless he snapped at Britney.
"Britney, put this on your head, I hate you right now." He threw the pants at her face and she fixed them atop her head. She made it so the pant legs were sticking up.
"Hey look at me, I'm the cute little bunny that I found earlier hehe." She laughed and stood up. Chad slapped his forehead and drooped his hand down his face.
"Let's get moving. Let's go this way, we have to get back to Valerie." He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her.

As the bridge collapsed Des and Shaniqua were smart enough to try and run back. Luckily as the bridge fell they were able to hold on. They did hit the water hard and were also lucky that this area wasn't very deep. The bridge created a dam so they didnt float down river like Billy, Chad and Britney Spears.
"Damn it...Shaniqua... Shaniqua, you okay? Hey..." He called out to her but there was no reply. Desmond looked around and saw her laying on her back.
"Whoa.." He said aloud. There was a huge knot on Shaniqua's forehead. He tried to wake her back up and slapped her face. She opened her eyes and was instantly in terrible agony. Des reassured her that she was okay. They got up slowly and Des tried to figure out how to climb back up to Valerie. He had called out to her but she didnt answer.
"It must be ten feet back up, Shan, do you think you can climb? Use this vine here. It should be sturdy enough, I'll give you a boost. Let me know if you see Valerie."
Shaniqua, still feeling fuzzy, vision dazed, tried her best to pull herself up. She poked her head over the edge and didn't see any sign that Valerie was still there.

[cstoll]

Billy stood at the riverbank, taking stock of his life.
"My friends are nowhere to be seen. I have a cut, infected hand. I'm in the forest of mystery, soaking wet, having been knocked across the sky by an otherworldly creature using a tree as a baseball bat. And I'm not wearing any pants. What is this, a Tuesday?"
As his vision cleared, he saw something on the other side of the river. Dozens of creatures, staring at him, looking for a way across. One stupidly fell in and got swept away by the current.
"Ha! Haha! You can't do it, can ya! You bad motor-function bastards!" Billy flipped them off and did a little dance. "Looks like my luck is finally changing."
He turned around and saw himself.
"You're me...and you're wearing pants...and you've got wicked green eyes."
Pseudo-Billy grinned, picked up a wooden board from the washed-up bridge.
"Oh, and you've got pretty good motor function..." Billy's brain was going into a numb, self-protection mode known as denial of reality. "Do you workout and...stuff?"
The following incidents happened within seconds: It took a swing at him, Billy fell back onto the rocks, grabbing a large rock as he dodged another swing. As Pseudo-Billy raised the board up for a massive swing, Billy smashed the rock onto Pseudo-Billy's face, crushing it as if the bones were made of pudding. In Pseudo-Billy's final act, the massive swing of the board came down over Billy's head, which, in a cartoon-like way, accepted the wood like a hat, lodged firmly down to his ears, sticking out three feet on each side.
Dazed and pissed off--"well, shit"--Billy fell into the river once more.

Miles away, Billy's pants were on Britney's head, with the legs sticking up, as she and Chad looked for Valerie. Billy's pants, if they could speak, would have said how unhappy they were being on her head.

Des and Shaniqua, further up river, were also looking for Valerie, who seemed to disappear along with the shining Starbucks.

[Zanahoria_Picante]

"Tsh! I never really liked Valerie, anyway. Don't tell her that if we find her," Britney Spears squawked in her real voice, smoothing her head, "okay, seriously. Where is that smell coming from? It smells like weed."
Chad frowned, then tore the pants off her head.
"Hey!"
"These! These smell like weed, Brit. Hey...what if they're...whatifthey're Billy's...?"
"Oh, bother..." Billy's pants thought lugubriously, strewn in the dirt.
"Ew! Grosssssssss!" She danced around in disgust, losing her balance, and falling into the river.
"Not. Happening. Uggggggh!" Chad dove in after her.

(I don't have time to do the other parts, sadly. I'll probably add them later, if no one else does. )

[psychoDiablo]

Shaniqua, the beautifully strong black woman, climbed her way up and then turned and gave Desmound a hand. All the years her grand parents were oppressed and forced into slave work, gave her enough strength to lift Desmound's 225 pound ass up. They stood up and shaked themselves off.
"There's no foot prints of Valerie, no sign or trace of her. But there is a path here, we should follow it." Said Desmound.
They were walking side by side, creeping through the dark.
"Thank god, the moon is full tonight. Gives us some light since are flashlights are dead." Desmound looked at Shaniqua. The treetops did some work in shading her face with light and it looked kinda sexy to Desmound. Des stopped and grabbed onto Shaniqua's hand.
"Did you hear that?....No, I think it's just the trees." He said. Again he stopped, thinking he was hearing noises but he really wasn't. He was just getting Shaniqua paranoid. Again he stopped to listen for a noise. Now Shaniqua was getting a little bit scared. She grabbed his arm and held it tight. Desmound smiled.
They continued down their "nature path" and proceeded into a huge clearing as if they were going to build a minimall. Trees were cut away. It looked liked someone had even mowed the lawn. The moonlight shined off the blades of green lush grass.
"Wow, it's so pretty here." Blurted out Shaniqua. Desmound agreed and they both stood in the middle of it, looking around in 360 degrees. Desmound looked around, then turned back to Shaniqua and looked her in the eyes.
"The moon is so full tonight, Shaniqua. Without it we'd be standing here in the dark. I wouldn't be scared though, I'd be brave just for you." He said, grinning a little.
"Awww, shut up Des. You know you'd be crying like Britney Spears, shaving your head and flipping out." She laughed at him and gave him a little push. He smiled back at her and said, "Ya know, I'm kinda glad we got stuck together. I really wouldn't want to get lost with anyone else."
She stayed quiet, wondering what his intentions were for saying that. He looked down and his hands found hers. She held on. He looked back at her, the moon lighting up her sweet face and those big lips. There was a pause on Earth for them in this moment. They're eyes closed and their heads started the kissing-tilt. He layed his lips on hers for 3 seconds, before she embraced him and they both started making out. In slow motion then kneeled down to lay on the grass with their lips still locked to each other. They rolled around in the grass a bit, playing, they were happy. The night was just warm and long enough for them and nothing bothered them until the next day.

[Zanahoria_Picante]

(Hmmm. Maybe this thread should have had a PG rating.... )

Having caught Britney Spears, Chad tried frantically to keep them both afloat in the swiftly flowing water until they could find another way ashore.
"Hey, like, maybe there'll be another pair of pants up ahead!" Britney Spears shouted from the depths of her dumb.
Chad thought about natural selection.
"Cah! Are you serious? Where all these bridges coming from?"
The current swept them closer to another phantom bridge.
"Okay. When we get close enough, toss me up into it, and I'll grab on!"
"Um, what about me...?" Chad snapped.
"Oh."
Caught up in their useless conversation, they suddenly realized the bridge was already upon them.
"Okay. I--"
But just as Chad was about to let Britney Spears go and save himself, someone dropped down from underneath the bridge.
"MY HAIIIIIIIIIIIIR!" Britney Spears shrieked nonsensically, as the three writhed down the river.

"So, aheum. Let's not tell the others about this. Okay?" Desmond suggested, pulling on his jacket.
Shaniqua's face transformed (metaphorically).
"Why?"
"Well, we've got bigger problems right now. Like, um. Forest monsters. And uh, Billy...."
"Right. Let's just keep looking for Valerie," she charged out of the clearing, and Desmond ran to catch up. They headed back toward the river.

"Can't say that this surprises me," Billy's pants thought, abandoned in the dark woods.

Billy, having plummeted (again) into the river, drifted along until the rushing lulled into a slow-moving, deep current. He then climbed out and constructed a slipshod "robe" out of pine cones, leaves, and tree sap.
He stifled a sob, then surveyed the scene.
"What the...?"
A few paces away, smack in the center of a clearing dramatically lit by the moonlight, a Starbucks roosted. One of the Baristas smiled when he saw Billy and beckoned him in.
He paused.
"What the beef, might as well." He walked in.

[psychoDiablo]

Lol @ billy's pants. make it PG-13. that was pure romance.


Britney was mad. She pulled Chad herself out of the river and up the bank. She was running after something, or someone.
"Hurry up Chad! You're so slow! Like totally." Britney yelled at him. Chad was bewildered, what the hell was she chasing?
She came to a stop. "Give me back my hair!"
Chad stumbled behind her as she pulled his arm, ended up balancing himself by leaning on her back. "Wtf?" he said.
"They have my hair and I want it back. I feel so cold without it!" Britney shrieked placing her hands on her head.
"For cryin' out loud, Britney why would anyone else have your hair? That's stupid....remember it had fleas?" Chad said in disbelief, apparently not paying attention to the situation. Or rather, Britney's sob story.

"So hey, how come you just walked away from me just now?" Asked Des to Shaniqua.
"No I didn't." Replied Shaniqua.
"Yea, you did. I had to run to keep up with you. Is something wrong?" Asked Des.
"I think Valerie is up here." Said Shaniqua in response.
"How would you know? I don't even know where we're at." Snapped Desmound.
"Look...This is Valerie's bracelet..." Shaniqua held up a bracelet in front of Desmound's face that read, VALERIE.
Feeling some tension, Desmound replied, "Oh, well... dont rub it in my face. Shit..." He went to swipe it away but Shaniqua pulled it back.
She placed the bracelet in her pocket and both of them kept walking. Desmound one step behind her now.

[cstoll]

Chad had his hands full.
"Britney, you're having a meltdown. But you need to focus because something dropped in that water with us, remember? You yelled at me to 'Club it like a baby seal that had stolen your hair.' That was right before you pulled us out. It could have been Valerie. It could have been a monster. We need to fo-"
"That's what I'm chasing! It went that way!" She shrieked at a pitch that should have made birds drop from the sky and leaves shatter off trees.
"Ah. Well."

Desmond and Shaniqua were heading to the river, hopefully to Valerie.
"This is where the Starbucks was before it disappeared, wasn't it?"
"You say that like it's a natural thing."
"Well, they have been closing a lot of their stores lately."

Billy, in a Starbucks further along the river, was enjoying a ridiculously good coffee and not thinking at all about the recent turns in his life.
"Oh, good song," he said, nodding his head. "Hey, Skip, do you have any cookies?"

Meanwhile, the undead bunny approached Billy's pants, circling and sniffling and flashing its teeth.
"Why do I always get the ass end of things?" Billy's pants wondered.

[Zanahoria_Picante]

Billy swallowed part of his cookie wrong, and his eyes began to water.
"What the HECK! This cookie is too crumbly! Ugh, Barista!" Billy snapped his fingers.
The Barista obsequiously approached, leaning a hand on the cushy back of the chair, "yes, sir?"
"Could you explain to your manager that the cookies should remain pliable and moist at all times or perhaps e-mail the manufacturer...or something? This thing is repugnant!"
"Right away, sir."
As the Barista turned, decorously regarding the cookie like hazardous waste, Billy did a double take at what he thought looked like a tail wagging behind the phantom Barista.
He shook his head quickly and when he looked back it was gone.
"Weed still wearin' off," he decided, taking a sip of his grande mocha.

After his ears stopped ringing, Chad shouted for Britney to slow down.
"It's probably not a good idea to run blindly through the dark, even with the moonlight, Brit!"
"Just a sec! I can still see it!"
Britney had almost gotten out of sight; Chad did not fancy himself an athlete, while Britney was (mostly for show and attention) on the track team. Not watching her feet, she did not notice the large, dimensional hole that appeared beneath her. She fell into it.
"For the love of BALDNESS! This is what you get for shaving your head, Brit, this is what you get!"
In a fit of impetuous chivalry, he jumped in after her.

Desmond and Shaniqua watched in bemusement as yet another phantom Starbucks materialized; this time before their eyes.
"Hey, that guy in there...he looks almost exactly like Billy," Desmond noted, unhesitatingly accepting these strange events.
"I think that might be because it is Billy."
"Is it?"
"Well..." Shaniqua signaled him to follow, and they entered.

"I don't suppose you have a moist towelette? A hair-dryer? No? Didn't think so," Billy's pants moaned to the rabbit as it began shredding them to bits.

[cstoll]

"For the love of BALDNESS! This is what you get for shaving your head, Brit, this is what you get!"

Brilliant. Love it.

Billy's pants have become a favorite character of mine.

[Zanahoria_Picante]

Originally Said by cstoll

"For the love of BALDNESS! This is what you get for shaving your head, Brit, this is what you get!"

Brilliant. Love it.

Billy's pants have become a favorite character of mine.

Thank you. You indubitably had some hilarious "one-liners" in your last segment, as well. "You yelled at me to 'Club it like a baby seal that had stolen your hair.'" And this:

Desmond and Shaniqua were heading to the river, hopefully to Valerie.
"This is where the Starbucks was before it disappeared, wasn't it?"
"You say that like it's a natural thing."
"Well, they have been closing a lot of their stores lately."

(Even though that's not a one-liner...obviously....)

Billy's pants...if they had a voice...would sound a bit like Marvin from the Hitchhiker's, methinks.

[cstoll]

Billy looked like a reject from a back-to-nature commune. He wore a "robe" made of leaves and pine cones, held together by sap. On his head, sticking out three feet on each side, was a wooden board with a hole in the middle so that the top of his head stuck out. Apart from that, he seemed right at home in the Starbucks, drinking his grande mocha and enjoying the ambience.
Billy's costume concerned Des and Shaniqua only for a few moments.
"Billy...Ah...?" started Des, pointing down.
"Where are your pants?" Shaniqua finished.
"It's a Tuesday," Billy answered firmly and then took a sip.
Without receiving an order, the barista handed them grande mochas.
"Billy, have you seen Val--?"
"Oh!" Des said, "That's tasty."

Falling down an interdimensional tunnel is not like it is in the movies--zipping in different directions at breakneck speeds, with multi-colored lights circling around. As Chad discovered, you don't really fall, you don't go very fast, and you don't see a kaleidoscopic display that rivals the 4th of July. Instead, you drift in no particular direction at the speed of an arthritic turtle with heavy shopping bags. And you don't see bursts of light, but bursts of smells and sensation.
And so Chad drifted, not seeing anything, but smelling random things and feeling random sensations. At times, he smelled hay and gasoline as his body was struck by the force of what felt like dry ocean waves. Another time, he was being tickled as he smelled biscuits and cabbage.
The novelty wore off after a few minutes, and he drifted, bored, frustrated, with crossed arms.
He had given up on yelling--"Britney, this is what you get, you bald, stupid" etc.--because no sound was made.
Or so he thought. The sound shot through the space-time continuum, landing in two random places.

One was on the set of Tom Cruise's War of the Worlds during a crucial, dramatic scene in which Cruise has to apply peanut butter to bread. The strange, phantom outburst broke Cruise's concentration and he threw the sandwich at a window in frustration. After an awkward pause, Spielberg said, "We can use that, Tom. Good emotion. Quiet on the set everyone. Let's, uh, let's keep going."

The other was in the nearby (spacetime-wise) woods, where Billy's pants were being eaten by an undead bunny. The words provided comfort at a difficult time.
"I guess I don't have it so bad," Billy's pants mused.
The undead bunny suddenly staggered and passed out from eating bad weed.
"HaHa! Victory!"

[psychoDiablo]

"So you haven't heard from Valerie?...Chad and Britney are missing as well. At least we found you eh Bill..."
Billy didnt say anything, just smiled as he sucked on his straw.
"I hope Valerie is okay. I kind of miss her now." Said Shaniqua.
"Would you like to try my mocha Shaniqua?" Asked Des handing his mocha over to her. She took a gulp but didnt swallow. Des saw her eyes lite up and she spit it back out. Desmound yelled at her, "hey it's not that bad!"
"Oh mah lordy!" Shaniqua got up exclaiming. "Look, Des...It's Valerie!"
"Oh yeah, Valerie works here." Said Billy.
They both looked at Billy seriously, wanting to give him a piece of their minds, but it wasn't necessary. Shaniqua ran over to Val.
"Ohh Val it's so good to see you! What is this girl, you work here?" Shaniqua said, giving Valerie a big hug.
"Yes. I got a job here. It's what I've always wanted to do." Replied Valerie in a robot tone.
"You don't plan on staying do you?" Shaniqua asked.
"Yes. I don't want to work anywhere other than here. This place is good. Would you like a cafe latte and a cookie?" Again Valerie replied in a robot style. Something felt weird to Shaniqua. She eyeballed Valerie, trying to see if it was someone else inside her body. Shaniqua was just about to grab Val's hand, "Well, let's go Valerie, we have to find Chad and Britney."
"No! I want to stay and work here. It is my dream." Just then Val's manager came out and snapped at Shaniqua.
"You let her go! Valerie is happy here, aren't you Valerie? As you can see, your friend has a great opportunity in her life and I certainly wont let you go and ruin it for her! Here is your latte. Drink it at your table please." The manager handed Shaniqua a latte.
"but i...didnt order..a latte..." Shaniqua muttered taking the latte and sitting back down with the boys.
"You guys, this feels weird. Valerie doesn't seem like herself."
"I know what you mean. I get that feeling sometimes that I'm not me...could just be I'm too high for this shit..." Billy laughed to himself.
"This is serious!" Said Shaniqua. "I'm gonna get to the bottom of this."
"How do you expect to do that? More importantly, how are you high Billy?!?" asked Des in disbelief.
Shaniqua punched Des in the shoulder. "That isn't important! We're getting jobs." With that Shaniqua asked the manager, "Are you guys hiring?"
"We are always hiring...People come and they go."
"Give me 3 applications.."

[Zanahoria_Picante]

"Hey, guys. Don't worry about me," Billy said, nonchalantly sipping his mocha, "ahhhhhhh, I already applied. Got the job! My shift doesn't start until I finish this mocha."
"That's kind of weird..." Shaniqua glared at him, then sneered at his man-skirt.
"What?" Billy squeaked.
"Nothing," Shaniqua rolled her eyes so intently that she moved her whole head with the motion.
"Ready for your interview?" The tiny fellow grinned so fiercely that he looked more like a dog trained to flash its teeth on cue for a film than amiable coffee shop manager.
Desmond held Shaniqua's arm to keep her from fleeing, and pushed her along into the office behind the counter, Valerie smiling pedantically as they passed. In the instant when the lights flicked on, Shaniqua thought she saw a deep green flicker in the guy's eyes as he sat.

"...Now what?" Billy's pants wondered. "Oh, poo. What now?"
Psuedo-Billy began staggering towards them.
Billy's pants sighed in resignation.

"Seriously...tripping off catnip would be more interesting than this. UGH!" Chad, wont to violent outbursts, flailed around psychotically.
A familiar smell surfaced.
"Oh my gosh! BACOS!?" All of his thoughts and the deepest, deep depths of his deepness then focused on the scent; he had the distinct sensation of the feet of many Leprechauns jigging within and without his interdimensionally drifting self.
When he opened his eyes, everything was still. And he was standing. In a shopping mall.
"WHAT?!"
"Hey, Chaddy!" Britney Spears said, waving from the upper level, holding a mocha.
Fueled by confusion and rage, Chad grabbed a nearby potted plant and tried to heave it at her.
"Do I look like Shaniqua to you? That's right. I know. Now, come up here, silly!"
Chad sulked toward the escalator.

"That's what I mean, Steve-o, that's what I mean! It's those little moments that make"--(clap, clap)--"Or break a film. Keep the real moments...HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!" Tom Cruise said, still in his own dimension.

[cstoll]

Chad had bravely jumped into the interdimensional portal to save Britney, only to find the most boring and strangest smelling experience of his life. Now he was in a mall elevator, and "Smooth Operator" started playing over the speaker.
"What...have I done...to deserve this?" Chad muttered.
"Chaddy!" Britney delighted, sitting at a table outside a Starbucks. "What took you so long, you slowpoke? I've gotten so much shopping done!" Indeed, bags were piled up around her table. Chad closed his eyes to concentrate on putting his hopes and dreams away in a tiny, locked place within himself. When he opened his eyes...
"Brit? You have hair?"
"Ohmygosh! I know! It must have been the magical hair gods wanting something magical for me, rewarding my singing as I swam through the daffodils and sausage and whip cream of that magical tunnel."
"Brit, there's a price tag...on your...wig."
"Shut up."
"Brit--"
"Shut up. It was magical."
"But--"
"Magical hair! Magical hair!"
"Fine," his arms flailed in an anger spasm. "Whatever. I'm not going to let you drive me crazy, you insane bat." Chad looked around, noting dozens of other shoppers, all walking around with coffee and way too many shopping bags.
"Hey, Brit, do most of the people here seem like they're dressed for hiking, camping, fishing?"
Britney ignored him, drinking her mocha and singing a song about magical hair.

"So," the tiny manager said, leaping up to sit on top of his desk, "what makes you think you're Starbucks material?"
Shaniqua felt unsettled by the sudden green flash in his eyes, but she tried to act naturally. "Um, I love coffee--"
"--making coffee, serving coffee," Des added, still sipping his mocha.
"Uh, that, too. Love all coffee-related endeavors."
"Excellent!" He clapped his hands together and grinned with what seemed like a dozen too many teeth. "You're hired. You just have to sign these forms. Don't worry. Your personal information's already been filled in."
Shaniqua verified the information filled in--"How did...?"--and then quickly scanned the fine print, seeing the words, "soul," "automaton," "forfeit free will," "no raises," "void in Idaho," "free drinks for eternity," "free from all worry and pain...."
Des muttered, "Blasted pen." He shook the pen and continued to sign.
Shaniqua said, "Des, don't sign," but he ignored her. In one quick movement, she dumped the piping-hot mocha into his lap and stabbed him in the leg with her pen.
Des howled with inarticulate rage, "WHATBLOODYICEHOLECHEESEMOTHER!"
But he snapped out of his mocha-induced haze, and when the tiny manager saw this, he reared back on his desk, flashed his sharp teeth and leaped at Desmond.

Pseudo-Billy, senses askew with his mashed face, staggered and tripped, falling onto Billy's pants. When he tried to get up, he drooled and oozed pus all over the pants.
Billy's pants sighed, "Guh. I'd rather be back on Britney's head."