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Old 01-12-2010   #1
psychoDiablo
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title has been buggin

I'm still working on the explanation for making this title fit. It's been bugging me and I've been trying to study it. I think I need someone else's eyes on this piece.

"Irony"

Enjoy yourself. Take only what you need from me.
I am here for you, for this, exactly.
When nothing's left but a shred of your soul
Your hanging by a thread dying not to let go.
You know what to do so just look him in his eyes.
He knows better so he fights not to cry.
He swallows his pride and it burns in his chest.
You want to hug him, but know it's best.
The sight blurs then your head is down.
He's standing there with half a frown.
Magnatized by each other's love
No one moves, not even the birds above.
Earth in awe.
The stars all fall.
The greatest love ever known
Has now, just been, let go.

It happened on that day that you stood still.
The scene reminds you as the sun disappears behind the hill.
When nothing's left but a shred of your soul.
You're hanging by a thread dying not to let go.
The moment is lasting forever as she looks you in the eyes.
She's going to say something worth it but instead she cries.
You want to speak but won't dare interrupt.
Her look gives your spine chills all the way up.
Your hair straightens and you prepare for embrace
She's thinking so hard her hands cover her face.
You feel weak you need her close to your chest.
You want to hug her, but know it's best.
Now, where she once stood, is just thin air.
Outlined her memory because you still care.
You've enjoyed yourself. Taking exactly what you needed from me.
I was there for you, for even this, for everything...
-MR.
12/23/09
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Old 01-14-2010   #2
Zanahoria_Picante
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Re: title has been buggin

That is seriously awesome. The calculated nonchalance (for lack of better description), the naturalness, of your writing works so well. It almost resembles Walt Whitman in how strong the "free form" is without following exactly anything traditional (unless I'm missing something--quite probable, actually) and in the strength of its "rhythm" and passion and imagery. (Not sure if I'm describing that clearly at all. In short, very good. )

Titles are tough. "Irony" could very well work. As far as other suggestions, how 'bout "Rapture"? (Looking at various synonyms for "passion, heartache, longing....") Desire, Closeness....Misery...Hunger, sigh, thirst, yearn. Ardent. Hope.

Not entirely sure what you're looking for. Most likely, I'm missing the aim entirely. It is your poem, after all.
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Old 01-14-2010   #3
psychoDiablo
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Re: title has been buggin

why can't i ever write about being in love, staying in love, and being happy ever after?

i know so much about love not working out or being let go.

I wrote this poem with my girl in mind. the irony im trying to explain is how we fell in love, are in love, but can't be together. I want this poem to be wrong, when I go to see her. Don't want to have to let her go. but yes, that is the irony. made for each other in every way possible. i was there for her for everything she needed. the irony is you think you'd stay in love forever (and you do) but you dont get to be with the one you want.
of course there's more to the story, but for now, it's all filler.
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Now learn patience

To chill is to be chillin.
Chillin is cooperating with your surroundings, unknowing'st of what everything is capable of; and all the while, as it happens and after, to accept without any thought of good or bad, but mainly, just enjoying rather deeply, the moment you had to sit and think. (Not thinking.)

|-Mr.MCR-|

Will you write
Will you love
Will you enjoy
Life when I am gone?
You will.
by Angelina

"I have lived life as horrible as it was, and as beautiful as it has become."
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Old 01-15-2010   #4
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Re: title has been buggin

Quote:
Originally Said by psychoDiablo View Post
why can't i ever write about being in love, staying in love, and being happy ever after?

i know so much about love not working out or being let go.

I wrote this poem with my girl in mind. the irony im trying to explain is how we fell in love, are in love, but can't be together. I want this poem to be wrong, when I go to see her. Don't want to have to let her go. but yes, that is the irony. made for each other in every way possible. i was there for her for everything she needed. the irony is you think you'd stay in love forever (and you do) but you dont get to be with the one you want.
of course there's more to the story, but for now, it's all filler.
Yes, I know what you mean. Your poetry is beautiful, though, I think, be it rather sad.

Ah, I see how "Irony" fits well, with that explanation. Very sad...indeed. I hope that it all works out for you the way you want, and that you have the strength to persevere, and things. I do know how you feel; in my own way. And I think many people have similarly sad stories of love.

And you know what? No matter what happens, there is reason behind it; God has purpose behind it, even if you don't realize entirely what it is until the end or after the end. That can be a comforting thing, knowing that even the most painful, lingering, and sad situations are part of God's plan. Not that I'm telling you anything you don't already know or speaking from my own perfection [no, not at all; not even close], but, in my sparse experience, the worst times in my life were also the ones that strengthened and grew me the most, and knowing that God has something good in mind is something to hold on to, in the whole of your life and each event that carries you through it.

Still, I think she will like the poem; it finds beauty in something very sad and difficult. I wish you well with it all. :)
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Old 01-15-2010   #5
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Re: title has been buggin

Quote:
Originally Said by Zanahoria_Picante View Post
Still, I think she will like the poem; it finds beauty in something very sad and difficult. I wish you well with it all. :)
i thought today that no matter what i would love her. that's a given. but i really thought about the positive out of the negative of this. started going thru what ifs? i said, what if im here to help her and that's it? That would be a negative and pulling out a positive. i dont get to be with her, but i helped her life. then again, what if im here to help her and be with her? mmm, see where i go?

of course i'm not saying i can predict the future...from her eyes to mine, there is no future. what if i'm here to help her and that's all? i haven't showed her this poem. I think I made mention of it to her. she has no idea though.

i cant help but feel like this poem i wrote is the future. that's why i started wondering why the hell am i not writing about finding love and keeping it and being in it? what is all this heartbreak love? why? why am i so atuned to it? is that even a word? i think, fuck it. i like this piece i wrote, i need to write again. (im in the middle of a short story at the moment.)

she will love this poem as long as it's something from me, to her.

how much is beauty worth damn it? we're all playing to God's tune. I'm always looking up to the stars...
__________________
I wouldn't say I'm psycho only because I'm able to handle it.
Now learn patience

To chill is to be chillin.
Chillin is cooperating with your surroundings, unknowing'st of what everything is capable of; and all the while, as it happens and after, to accept without any thought of good or bad, but mainly, just enjoying rather deeply, the moment you had to sit and think. (Not thinking.)

|-Mr.MCR-|

Will you write
Will you love
Will you enjoy
Life when I am gone?
You will.
by Angelina

"I have lived life as horrible as it was, and as beautiful as it has become."
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Old 01-17-2010   #6
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Re: title has been buggin

Quote:
Originally Said by psychoDiablo View Post
i thought today that no matter what i would love her. that's a given. but i really thought about the positive out of the negative of this. started going thru what ifs? i said, what if im here to help her and that's it? That would be a negative and pulling out a positive. i dont get to be with her, but i helped her life. then again, what if im here to help her and be with her? mmm, see where i go?

of course i'm not saying i can predict the future...from her eyes to mine, there is no future. what if i'm here to help her and that's all? i haven't showed her this poem. I think I made mention of it to her. she has no idea though.

i cant help but feel like this poem i wrote is the future. that's why i started wondering why the hell am i not writing about finding love and keeping it and being in it? what is all this heartbreak love? why? why am i so atuned to it? is that even a word? i think, fuck it. i like this piece i wrote, i need to write again. (im in the middle of a short story at the moment.)

she will love this poem as long as it's something from me, to her.

how much is beauty worth damn it? we're all playing to God's tune. I'm always looking up to the stars...
Yes, that sort of "tension" of not knowing is quite maddening, I imagine. It is so hard to say what will happen. But you have written her a lovey poem, indeed. Perhaps it will help change the future, for the better, in all respects. I hope it will.
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Old 01-17-2010   #7
psychoDiablo
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Re: title has been buggin

Quote:
Originally Said by Zanahoria_Picante View Post
Yes, that sort of "tension" of not knowing is quite maddening, I imagine. It is so hard to say what will happen. But you have written her a lovey poem, indeed. Perhaps it will help change the future, for the better, in all respects. I hope it will.
do you remember that poem I wrote called "Implication?" That's where I was with her. Now I'm writing about irony.

I had my friend do a tarot card reading on me. It was really a good tarot reading. Very very positive with the outcomes of my issue. I am going to learn a great deal about myself.

It's so hard for me to enjoy this poem. It's so sad. They love each other. I have to find a way to keep them together. I can't stand writing this stuff anymore. It's too heartbreaking. This poem is lovely, but it's not. It's terrible. It's more difficult than anything.

When I was 16 I used to write about love and staying in it. All that happy shit. What the hell happened to all that?
__________________
I wouldn't say I'm psycho only because I'm able to handle it.
Now learn patience

To chill is to be chillin.
Chillin is cooperating with your surroundings, unknowing'st of what everything is capable of; and all the while, as it happens and after, to accept without any thought of good or bad, but mainly, just enjoying rather deeply, the moment you had to sit and think. (Not thinking.)

|-Mr.MCR-|

Will you write
Will you love
Will you enjoy
Life when I am gone?
You will.
by Angelina

"I have lived life as horrible as it was, and as beautiful as it has become."
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Old 01-18-2010   #8
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Re: title has been buggin

Quote:
Originally Said by psychoDiablo View Post
do you remember that poem I wrote called "Implication?" That's where I was with her. Now I'm writing about irony.

I had my friend do a tarot card reading on me. It was really a good tarot reading. Very very positive with the outcomes of my issue. I am going to learn a great deal about myself.

It's so hard for me to enjoy this poem. It's so sad. They love each other. I have to find a way to keep them together. I can't stand writing this stuff anymore. It's too heartbreaking. This poem is lovely, but it's not. It's terrible. It's more difficult than anything.

When I was 16 I used to write about love and staying in it. All that happy shit. What the hell happened to all that?
I think so. I'll have to look it up again, to remember details; to see how precisely that fits in with this one.

I know exactly what you mean; it is beautiful as a work of art, but--at the same time--is expressing things too sad, too close, to bear. I know how you feel, for my part; most of the poetry I've written with that sort of moroseness is hidden; very secret, very safe (mostly, because mine is horrible--in every sense.)

Maybe you could try writing a "hopeful love" poem. I'm sure you could. Maybe it would be good.
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Old 03-15-2010   #9
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Re: title has been buggin

i sent it to her.


the way i had this written, was on two different pages. left and right. 1st verse is her side. 2nd is mine.
each verse is the same number of lines.
line 5 from the first verse follows line 5 from the second verse.
line 6 from 1st verse, is line 6 on the 2nd verse and so on...

i ended the poem with the starting lines.


her words: "its really beautiful matthew... i mean im speechless knowin its about me..an u... so awesome an u did capture us."

here's to that "for the better" part I did not see until now Rach.
__________________
I wouldn't say I'm psycho only because I'm able to handle it.
Now learn patience

To chill is to be chillin.
Chillin is cooperating with your surroundings, unknowing'st of what everything is capable of; and all the while, as it happens and after, to accept without any thought of good or bad, but mainly, just enjoying rather deeply, the moment you had to sit and think. (Not thinking.)

|-Mr.MCR-|

Will you write
Will you love
Will you enjoy
Life when I am gone?
You will.
by Angelina

"I have lived life as horrible as it was, and as beautiful as it has become."
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Old 03-15-2010   #10
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Re: title has been buggin

Quote:
Originally Said by psychoDiablo View Post
i sent it to her.


the way i had this written, was on two different pages. left and right. 1st verse is her side. 2nd is mine.
each verse is the same number of lines.
line 5 from the first verse follows line 5 from the second verse.
line 6 from 1st verse, is line 6 on the 2nd verse and so on...

i ended the poem with the starting lines.


her words: "its really beautiful matthew... i mean im speechless knowin its about me..an u... so awesome an u did capture us."

here's to that "for the better" part I did not see until now Rach.
Wow...that reads quite differently that way. Awesome. Very effective indeed!

And I'm very glad she received it so well; that's magical. :D
*Raises coffee mug to you* ;)
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Old 11-01-2010   #11
psychoDiablo
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Re: title has been buggin

it came true.
__________________
I wouldn't say I'm psycho only because I'm able to handle it.
Now learn patience

To chill is to be chillin.
Chillin is cooperating with your surroundings, unknowing'st of what everything is capable of; and all the while, as it happens and after, to accept without any thought of good or bad, but mainly, just enjoying rather deeply, the moment you had to sit and think. (Not thinking.)

|-Mr.MCR-|

Will you write
Will you love
Will you enjoy
Life when I am gone?
You will.
by Angelina

"I have lived life as horrible as it was, and as beautiful as it has become."
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