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Old 10-13-2009   #1
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The Chimera (unrevised and incomplete)

Well, I've been just itchin' to write something lately... so I came up with this. It is an unrevised, work-in-progress of a first draft. It is more of a chapter for my "novel" which is why it doesn't develop anything. I just typed it all up over the last couple of hours and haven't even revised or reread it yet. Still, despite having not reread it, I don't expect there to be errors because, hey, that's how I roll.

I'm just impatient and want to post something of what I've written recently even though I'm about to continue the chapter entitled "The Chimera" with another character, tentatively called Cadget.

Enjoy. Or don't. I really don't care since it's not quite done.

-=-=-

The Chimera


Stej


Stej sat on a chair in the center of the room. He stood up and walked to the mirror. Looking up, he saw his pale grim face and long, shimmering black hair. He saw himself brush a portion of it behind his right shoulder; the hair on his left side hung loosely above his chest. He picked up his Denta-Shine and diligently began cleaning his teeth, paying special attention to his daggerfangs which curved gently along his large chin. Freshly cleaned and buffed, they were a pair of silent ivory guards, unflinching and menacing, always ready for action when unsheathed.

“Gawr,” Stej growled, slightly sneering. He hated the law mandating his prize features be masked to the world with specially-made, government-sanctioned protective coverings. The law further stipulated that only soldiers presently enlisted on a tour of duty in an area of conflict were allowed to leave them unsheathed. He was a military man himself but Stej, more recently, had been assigned to a different task.

The upper echelons of military command had found him, with all his commendations and medals, fit only to stand guard waiting to see if a delegation would arrive from either of two great empires along the neutral zone his government had set up. It was that same government who pressured the upper brass to deploy him to this small station in the middle of the nothingness that accounts for so much of the galaxy. The government wanted him for his orating and debating abilities, for his eloquent yet forceful diplomatic skill.

Yet, there was a third organization that may have wanted him there. They might have even been powerful enough to pull strings on the government to put pressure on the military to post him at this humdrum hunk of metal. If this third option was indeed the real reason he’s here, he wouldn’t know it until they assigned him his mission. Where he had tokens of honor for his military service and multitudes of connections and fame from his now-abandoned public service career, the third organization helped him to hone skills that are vast improvements over the skills of combat and persuasion. The everyday life of war and politics that ravaged the battlefronts in the Rhemsan Sector or that raged in the acoustics of the Ostrakaphon was nothing compared to the intense training, rigid education, and mental discipline he had to enduring in that dark place.

He shuddered. He didn’t like to recall those times but at least they took all his intrinsic athletic, academic, and verbal skills and developed, focused, enhanced, and modified them to create the perfect agent, the perfect assassin, the perfect “actor”. His normal life, the one he most often lived, was incredibly easy-going. In fact, he spent much more of his time in leisure than the average chimera simply because he found life so easy. Only when he was sent a mission from “them” did he have to struggle. Not always, of course, but there comes a time every so often when they assign him a different mission. It is for that reason he felt great apprehension about being in this metal abomination possibly at the request of such a terrifyingly powerful clandestine organization.





Hewng

The hulking mass in the corner would be worrisome if it were not a well-known member of society. In fact, the large red beast was known to be gentle and kind unless otherwise provoked. Only then would its jowl drop as it lets loose a deafening howl. Even still, this would be more of a warning to whatever may be annoying the behemoth. Its body was comprised of overlapping heptagonal scales like scintillating scarlet seven-sided dinner plates. Were it standing erect, it would be well over eleven feet tall but the creature tended to hunch over to use its war-hammer arms for balance and support. It did not have a sex or sexual organs, a feature not uncommon amongst chimera, but it preferred to go by the name of Hewng.

Hewng lived in the capital city of Pleamt and served in the Ostrakaphon as Chancellor. When it came to matters of state, there were none more qualified than Hewng for its political savvy was unparalleled and its desire for the well-being of chimera-kind unequaled. It knew of the precarious situation their world was being forced into by the fascist Szoblichtevigg, better known by the Knights of Genetic Purity epithet. Hewng was well aware of the plans of the Szoblichtevigg for they almost always operated overtly, confident in their ability to use their superior technology to coerce entire worlds to their will or face annihilation. Recently, the Szob had been exerting their influence over the Lyssians, the race of humanoids who first bred chimera and who the Chimera had been at peace with since the Second Emancipation War.

Hewng speculated that if the Szoblichtevigg had their way, the Lyssians would break the armistice, cross the neutral zone, and invade the Chimera homeworld thus sparking another Great War. Hewng was also fully aware that the Chimera could not stand such an onslaught for their numbers were few compared to the Lyssians nor had they the resources to fend off an attack. It realized that this was the ultimate goal of the Szob who would want to rid the galaxy of creatures they considered abominations. Furthermore, the Szob wouldn’t care about Lyssian casualties either. They would feel justified in thousands of Lyssian deaths for it was, after all, the people of Lyss who brought the hybrid Chimera into existence.

We are not, thought Hewng, genetically pure, I’m afraid.

As it stood in the corner of the Ostrakaphon antechamber, it considered all of this. It watched as various Chimera went about their daily business, occasionally nodding to a colleague.

Hewng checked the time. A new legislative session was scheduled to start soon and Hewng had unfinished business to attend to. It had to meet with a enigmatic individual, a speaker for a clandestine organization, in an attempt to set into motion a plan of its own contrivance that would deal with the Szoblichtevigg, at least for the time being. Hewng had secured the funds to have an operative assigned to a space station in the neutral zone. As Chancellor of the Ostrakaphon, that had been the easy part. Getting military command to reassign one of their best soldiers had required Hewng to call in many of its favors. The hard part came next. Hewng had to convince this mysterious stranger to get his company involved and this secret group almost never got involved in galactic politics.
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Old 10-13-2009   #2
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Re: The Chimera (unrevised and incomplete)

Ack! It doesn't format correctly. I'll space out the paragraphs.
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Old 10-15-2009   #3
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Re: The Chimera (unrevised and incomplete)

"faster than the speed of love"?
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Old 10-15-2009   #4
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Re: The Chimera (unrevised and incomplete)

Yeah, it is pretty terrible.
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Old 11-03-2009   #5
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Re: The Chimera (unrevised and incomplete)

I love it!

Writing style could use some work, but your ideas and composition work well. I especially love your creative names. KEEP WRITING
And don't be afraid to rework this idea out. Really clarify your scenes (Virginia Woolf's style would work well with this I think). Really think about strong metaphores that can add grizzle and texture for the readers.

"Its body was comprised of overlapping heptagonal scales like scintillating scarlet seven-sided dinner plates."

Use this sort of imagery, rather than stating it's exact height "11 feet tall"

And I think it's best to get your brainstorm down first before starting rough drafts, otherwise you get commited to things that might not work in the overall theme (George Lucas errors as I like to refer to them).
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Old 11-04-2009   #6
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Re: The Chimera (unrevised and incomplete)

Really?

Because I thought this was absolute shit.
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Old 11-04-2009   #7
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Re: The Chimera (unrevised and incomplete)

Good, use your own critical thinking against yourself to really improve this. Like I said, I think it's a great idea, it just needs to be worked on.
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Old 11-04-2009   #8
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Re: The Chimera (unrevised and incomplete)

Well, thanks. I've got some other ideas that I would like to write out first. Mostly everything I have been writing is related to and ties in with other science-fiction things I've written. I'm trying to weave a story or some shit.
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