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Old 04-10-2004   #5
chaos_control
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Folkestone
Age: 31
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Re: 16 years old - 19 years old

This was excellent, really like it

it took a strict form, the rhyming couplets etc, but without feeling particularly forced, which is a hard thing to do. You did it very well.

it was written in a very mature state of mind, without being over presented, and dealt with something that is hard to write about without unneccesary vulgarness, only what expressed well what you meant. You could use an informal/slang approach which siimply conveyed your emotions, instead of losing them through mindlessness, which was done very well.

thats another thing, it flows very well, and through the way it is written it seems though it is just your thoughts. instead of tryin to fit words to a pattern, or a tune, it takes a form of a flow of thoughts from you to paper. it feels as though you have simply written down your thoughts and emotions, a style of writing which i particularly like.

I thought this was great, keep writing, it's a beautiful thing

Hal
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