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Old 11-22-2008   #209
Zanahoria_Picante
Orange you glad she's not a banana?
 
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Re: Learned Life Lessons

(Sage, yet wizened, old man voice.)

My boy, I have learned a great many things in my time, but thus to say I have learned at all assumes a great deal! As long as these old limbs live, I will never learn completely, because no matter how much I believe I have finally learned a thing, life offers new possibilities. But things do seem to carry on in a certain way, yes? With that excuse, I have a few words of experiential wisdom...to say:

*Keep what you get in life and you will only get what you keep.

*If you want to learn, you must first learn to want to learn to want (to learn...).

*Never, ever go anywhere if you do not wish to be harmed, my boy! Stay inside your house; close and lock all the windows and doors, every last one. Draw the shades. Then, go into the smallest room in your house--yes, the downstairs bathroom--and sit in the sink, surrounding yourself with big (and a few small, colorful) pillows. Do not move ever again. That way, nothing will ever go wrong. I promise.

*Eat candy at least 86.4 times per minute!

*Things that can be broken were never meant to exist in the first place.

*Die laughing. That way, people will always remember you as the annoying person who could never stop laughing for no reason, even until the last, sweet-silence-bringing breath.

*Paint other people's stuff.

*Whether you believe you can or believe you cannot, you are correct. If you believe you might possibly be able to succeed if the circumstances are right and things go a bit better than expected, then...maybe you should be a bit more decisive and to the point.

*Use exclamation marks after every sentence.

*Don't take out the garbage. Boring activities like that should be skipped to make more time for fun things, like scuba diving and Tetris. Believe me, my lad!

*There is always, always something to do! Never allow yourself to feel bored. Look at Ghandi and Mariah Carey. Do you think boredom ever struck them? I think not, my dear boy.

*Never try to define sanity.

Well, I could go on...simply for years, my lad, but all this talk of life's wisdoms has wearied this old man. Take my advice; it will certainly make life go more smoothly!

*Pours remaining coffee down drain*
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Zanahoria_Picante

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Last edited by Zanahoria_Picante; 11-22-2008 at 05:52 AM.
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