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-   -   16 years old - 19 years old (http://www.almostsmart.com/forums/showthread.php?t=7130)

krashkitten 04-10-2004 02:38 PM

16 years old - 19 years old
 
Two different poems I wrote in two different stages of my life. One's supposed to be the 'part 2', as written three years later.
So....um...yeah. In celebration of the fact that I now officially have 100 posts on this forum. WOO!

------------------------
16 Years Old

sixteen years old and already screwed
i didn't used to enjoy feeling so abused
your scratching touch, your biting kiss
i don't think i'm supposed to be liking this
it feels so wrong and yet so right
and i know we'll do it every night
tortured pleasure and broken pain
i'll beg and plead for it again
sixteen years old and already fucked
never know what'll become of us
over and over i ask of me
'just what the hell am i supposed to be?'
dizzying gasps and endless game
like a star riding the top of fame
coming down on top of you
force me aside and we'll start anew
sixteen years old and going to hell
where this road ends, you'll never tell
drop me at the end and leave me for dead
in a place where not even demons would tread
sixteen years old and already dying
abandoned, alone, so sick of crying
and you'll pick me up and we'll start again
funny, considering you were my only friend...


------------------------
19 Years Old - the Sequel

i made it to nineteen, aren't you proud
i'm standing on a mountain and screaming out loud
i survived, i did it, i made it here
i'm facing the world with everything to fear
i see the challenges i will have to meet
while the ground is shaking beneath my feet
and yet i wonder and i furrow my brow
'just what the hell am i supposed to do now?'

no longer a kid but still not yet grown
despite what the mountains i've conquered have shown
three years past and i still feel sixteen
i've been at the top and the bottom and everywhere in between
i've been fucked and screwed and tattered and torn
i've died again and been reborn

and here i am, still young at nineteen
the ground is still shaking, now i'm stumbling
then on my knees with tears in my eyes
still just a kid, still making those cries
adult by age only, i've got growing up to do
and just for that - you and i are through

i thought you knew what i was going to be
i thought i understood what it was to be me
but i was wrong; i failed when i tried
and so you walk away; a part of me just died
a million times this will happen again
i'm always destroyed by my closest friend

i'm just nineteen, no more, no less
a pretty little girl trying on her mother's dress
just because i'm nineteen doesn't make grown clothes fit
it's not like they come with a 'how-to' do-it-yourself kit
and even then, i don't think i want to wear them yet
i still want to play, i think that's my safest bet

but as i play
you walk away
and now i'm slowly dying
i wish i could
be what i should
because then i could stop crying.

psychoDiablo 04-10-2004 03:44 PM

Re: 16 years old - 19 years old
 
Now, that, is, good.

i always love poems like that. 2 parters.

they both stuck well to each other you've been thru a lot i can see, but still are confused about shit. i tink its like that for a lot of people though. i feel your poems, chick. i can relate to alot of the nineteen years old.

my favorite line, 'i survived, i did it, i made it here
i'm facing the world with everything to fear"

and pretty much everything that came after that. i enjoyed reading this, and thanks for sharing a bit of your life. its good to be open and honest.

Nice work krash. this kinda shit always make me wonder about myself too...

Nami 04-10-2004 04:53 PM

Re: 16 years old - 19 years old
 
I love seeing work posted from the depths of one's mind... I enjoy the fact that it was written in two different time eras. That's pretty cool.

superchicken002 04-10-2004 05:21 PM

Re: 16 years old - 19 years old
 
You are an awesome writer. I usually read a lot of what people post on here but this is the first thing that has really touched me. I felt everything you wrote about!!! That was amazing!!!

"dizzying gasps and endless game
like a star riding the top of fame
coming down on top of you
force me aside and we'll start anew"

That was my favorite part of the first one, and my favorite part of the second one was...

"i've been fucked and screwed and tattered and torn
i've died again and been reborn:

I loved that! Good Job... keep posting your writing!!

chaos_control 04-10-2004 08:14 PM

Re: 16 years old - 19 years old
 
This was excellent, really like it

it took a strict form, the rhyming couplets etc, but without feeling particularly forced, which is a hard thing to do. You did it very well.

it was written in a very mature state of mind, without being over presented, and dealt with something that is hard to write about without unneccesary vulgarness, only what expressed well what you meant. You could use an informal/slang approach which siimply conveyed your emotions, instead of losing them through mindlessness, which was done very well.

thats another thing, it flows very well, and through the way it is written it seems though it is just your thoughts. instead of tryin to fit words to a pattern, or a tune, it takes a form of a flow of thoughts from you to paper. it feels as though you have simply written down your thoughts and emotions, a style of writing which i particularly like.

I thought this was great, keep writing, it's a beautiful thing

Hal


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