Pillowstalk

[david]

I still
have this holl[o]w
feeling where your lips pressed;
But it will pass
like muscle between bone,
and bone between eyes

that squint and roll within
your sockets and blink.

Your hand in my pocket
in your pocket
in our pockets
(i shrugged once)
"Why not sooner?"
"Because of you"
(and i hugged You)

I'd still
have that h[o]ll[o]w
feeling where your lips pressed:

But it will pass.

[sazzle]

As it seems no one has commented yet [pehaps it's because they know who it's about :tongue: ], I thought I'd just say that I really liked this peice.

I may be horribly wrong, but it seems a tad different from your other pieces [that I've read] - clearer somehow. Stanza three is especially nice, and I love the pockets image/concept.

I was just curious about the use of "holl[o]w" and "h[o]ll[o]w" and what it's intended to represent [my ignorance again...].

But again, thanks for the great read.

[david]

Thank you Saz - i'll point you here http://mb.sparknotes.com/mb.epl?b=128&m=1118722&p=2&t=318652&w=1 for the best response i've had.

The hollow part was a cummings homage; i'm thinking of removing it, gutting the whole thing and restarting.

But then i've always been one for drastic change.

[sazzle]

No worries.

Zaynab has put me onto snyp aswell, and I'm starting to discover what a useful site it is- at very least it's great to read the work on there.

I read the responses, and gawry's is pretty damn good [as always it would seem]. I love his take on the pockets thing.

Anyhow, good luck with any 'drastic' re-writes.